Ten sessions with Dr flynn
by Franfy
Summary: After the first encounter between Anastassia and doctor Flynn. She goes back to the couch to discover her darkest moments and accept Christian's love. (Available in spanish).
1. The first appointment

**The first appointment**

I look at myself in the mirror and check everything from head toe. My hair, straight and brown, there's nothing to do with it; it always looks kind of messy, even though I try. I comb it and try to tame it. God, it is giving me so much trouble today. I quit to the idea of carrying it loose and decide to tie it in a bun. Yes, besides a bun makes me look more serious, less young.

Why the hell would Flynn want to talk to me?

I keep going and make it to my face, pale as always. Sometimes I think I haven't got any color back since I came back from seeing my mother in Georgia. Georgia and the quick visit from Christian, which ended before I expected it. Now I know it was because of Leila. I get sick to my stomach when I remember that my man bathed her in my apartment and dressed her with my clothes. I get even paler. My subconscious laughs at me and reminds me that I have an appointment with Flynn and I don't want to look sick. I take a deep breath and like a reflex, take the blush and put it on my cheeks. Better, much better. I look at the time, shit, if I keep going like this I'm going to be late.

I'm wearing high waist black slacks, boot cut. A plum color blouse with a flirtatious bow in the back and high heels, very high.

I take my purse and rush outside towards the elevator at Escala.

Miss Prescott gets up quickly and follows me. I had forgotten that I can't go out alone. Since the Charly Tango sabotage, security has multiply to infinite. I look at her without sympathy. I know it's not her fault, but I hate that she has to follow me everywhere. I hope she leaves me alone with doctor Flynn, there are things that she cannot know. I blush just thinking about her face if she found out about the red room.

I think about that while we go down on the elevator towards the garage. The elevator doors open and Prescott gives me a sign. It's the usual, she goes out first, check everything out and then I can come out. As always, she is driving.

"Doctor Flynn's office" – I say and the girl carries me automatically to the place. I wonder if Welch or Christian gave her a list of the places I can go. Of course they did, my subconscious laughs. I try not to think about it. I grab my Black Berry and type a quick message:

To: Christian Grey

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Doctor Flynn

My dear fiancé,

As I told you last night, doctor Flynn asked me to go see him. I'm writing just so you know I'm on my way, and pretty well accompanied by me very good friend, miss Prescott.

Yours,

Ana

Anastassia Steele

Editor SIP

I press send and go back to think about why the good doctor would want to see me. It is true that our conversation ended up abruptly last time. Christian got in without announce, but I thought we were finished. Christian, my frightened little boy, my bossy man, my fiancé. I'm far away, very far away, remembering his hug. The sound of my Black Berry brings me out of my dream. It's a message from Christian.

To: Anastasia Steele

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Don't you dare dance with him

My much loved fiancee,

I remember perfectly your appointment with the nosy doctor Flynn. I'm glad Prescott is going with you. I feel calmer.

Don't you even think of dancing with doctor Flynn. The hands of that man will be on you just one time, okay?

Yours

Christian

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, INC.

I laugh to myself and remember the charity ball at the Grey's house, and the auction and the bet for my first dance. How embarrassing.

-"We are here Miss Steele" – Prescott says impassible.

-"Oh, thank you Prescott" – Se gets out to open my door.

We walk to the elevator where she presses the call button. It's quiet. This woman is so foreign to me. Once in the elevator I look at myself in the huge mirror and I check my look again, yes, I'm ready to face Flynn.

-"Thank you for coming Ana" doctor Flynn says smiling and shaking my hand. "Can I call you Ana wright?" It sounds more like an assessment than a question.

I take a sit. –"Yes, of course doctor" I don't feel like asking the same, what's his name? John? Tom? Anyway, better keep the distance at the beginning. After all, he is my future husband's doctor, wright?

"Take a sit Ana, make yourself comfortable".

Comfortable? How am I going to feel comfortable? The eyes of this man feel like daggers through my body. I sit down and cross my legs, put my hands on them and smile to doctor Flynn: "You'll say doctor".

"Yes, of course Ana, let's get straight to the point. Before we begin I would like to congratulate you on your engagement with Christian". –I blush, what is this all about? -"Thanks" I answer.

"The truth is, my dear Ana, that you have made more progress with him in months, than I in years of therapy".

He told me that already, the first time I was here. Does he think I forgot? Wasn't he going to get straight to the point? I don't want to sound impertinent. I decide to remain quiet and answer with a smile.

Doctor Flynn sees my discomfort and gives me just one line:

-"Well, it's not because of him I asked you to come, it's because of you".

I open my eyes wide like plates, blink surprised and answer barely with a whisper "Because of me?"

Flynn goes with the speech: "Ana, when I saw you at the Grey's charity ball, you looked stunningly beautiful. Gorgeous, I would say". While I'm listening, every muscle in my body is tense, what does this man want? What does he pretend? Is he flirting with me? Oh! Christian will not like this.

"Thank you" I answer uncomfortable.

Then, Flynn looks at me quietly and asks: "Why are you thanking me Anastasia?"

Quiet, I doubt, "uh, I don't know what to say doctor. I guess that's a polite answer for a compliment like the one you just told me".

-"Compliment?" he asks.

-"Compliment" I answer a little upset. What is this, for god's sake?

-"Well, it doesn't sound like a compliment to me Ana, it's the truth.

Now I'm really lost. This man made me come here to tell me I'm pretty? My head is spinning and I fidget on my sit. I'm not comfortable. I don't know what to say. I hold my breath.

-"What do you have to say about that Ana?"

Hesitant, I try to form a sentence or two, I take a deep breath: "uh, well, the truth is that the dress was really pretty…" Flynn interrupts me: "You are pretty Ana". He says it calmly, like he's saying an obvious truth. "What are you trying to do Flynn? I don't like your game" I say suddenly.

Flynn opens his eyes in shock, then recovers and smiles: "Alright Ana, I think we are letting loose a little". I look at him without blinking. "I want you to tell me why you don't see what everybody else sees, why don't you like yourself Ana?"

That's why he made me come; now I realize. I remember the first time I was here. I remember my words, why would Christian like me. I remember his answer.


	2. The nightmare

The nightmare

Suddenly doctor Flynn's words sound in my head "why you don't like yourself Ana?"

_Christian is standing next to me and kisses me passionately. Suddenly he starts going away, he looks at me and laughs, he laughs really loud, it's because of something in me. I look at myself, but there is nothing wrong, I'm just naked, as always. The sound of his laugh gets louder. I'm distressed, I try to touch him, but I can't, and he keeps going further away from me. I can't stop his laughs. I start crying and mi name keeps sounding in my head: Ana, Ana._

I wake up with Christian calling me. "Ana, Ana, love wake up, Ana it's me, you're at home". I look at him distraught and throw my arms around his neck. I can't help crying. "Ana, it was just a nightmare, its ok baby".

But it was not. It wasn't just nightmare. Flynn's words have brought back my worst ghosts. I will see him again tomorrow.

On my way to his office, I think about our last appointment. My confusion and his confidence, and finally, the point that Flynn wants to talk about: why I don't like myself? I accepted to have a couple of sessions with him. Maybe it will be good to finish with this for once.

I remember the surprised face of Christian when he asked about my meeting with Flynn. "I promised him to go back for a couple of sessions" I explained. His beautiful grey eyes look at me confused and I see the insecurity appeared in them. Oh, he thinks we are going to talk about his life. I rush to try to dissipate that shadow in his eyes: "It's just that Flynn thinks he can help me with some old issues" – I stay quiet for a moment – "of my childhood", I finish. His eyes open wide. Trying to tame his surprise, he smiles at me and says: "Why? Are you a lost girl that was adopted too?" I smile back but don't answer. At least Christian doesn't insist this time.

-"Good afternoon doctor Flynn"

-"Good afternoon Ana, take a sit, please. Is everything fine?" He asks smiling.

Felling a little resigned about this meeting, I smile back and answer, undecided. "Yes, everything is fine". But he notices the doubt in my voice. "What happened Ana?" he says. God, how can this man notice that something is wrong? I stay quiet. Flynn doesn't take his eyes of me, he keeps staring at me. I don´t know how long we stay like this, in silence. I fidget in my char, look at my hands, my fingers intertwine. He waits for me to talk. Tired of the silence, I finally make a decision and talk:

"Look doctor, since our last meeting I haven't stop asking myself the question you made me. And you know what? It is extremely unpleasant to think about it all day long. Looking for answers that maybe doesn't exist, because maybe it's enough with looking at me in the mirror and see who I am!" My cheeks are blushed and my voice sounds shaken. Doctor Flynn, instead, doesn't move an inch, it seems like he didn't registered everything I said. And then, he answers me: "Well Ana, and what did you find out?"

I look puzzled and he repeats: "What have you found out this week that you have been thinking about my question?" I don't answer, I grab my hair –I'm wearing it down today- I toy with it and look at him. I regain my calm. I doubt a little. I talk:

"I have found out that there is some truth in what you told me, I don't like myself" and I feel more clam once I said it, as if I had told a big secret that weighed my heart. However, Flynn doesn't seem impressed and says: "Come on Ana, I was hoping that you had found out some more". I look at him in shock, with all it took to say it in the first place.

My subconscious glances, as if to say something, but shuts up and goes back to her reading. Flynn charges against me once more, "Ok Ana, I see by your face that it has meant a great effort to assume that you're not comfortable with yourself. Let's change the strategy a little bit, if it is alright with you". He looks at me waiting for my approval, I nod quietly. "Ana, have you had any abnormal behavior this week? Something that has you worried? Any dream?" I paled, has Christina been talking with him? Of course he did, my subconscious yells. Fine, if I'm already here, it may be better to start talking. I nod and feel the images come back to me, clearer than in my nightmare.

Slowly I tell him my dream, with all the details, the laugh, the feeling that something is wrong, my nakedness, the distance with Christian, my distress.

"What do you think the nightmare means, Anastassia?" I sigh and answer, "I think it means that Christian mocks at me for something I cannot control and leaves me". Once I finish the sentence, I choke up and my anxiety returns.

-"Why do you think he is going to leave you, Ana"

-"Because I'm not worthy" I answer without thinking. "I'm not worthy of his love", I can't stand it anymore and start crying.

Doctor Flynn gives me a box of tissues and observes my patiently. When I start to feel better, he says: "Ana, why do you think you are not worthy of his love? You know every problem that Christina has had in his life; you know it better than anyone. You have known his sexual preferences, you have deal with them, you left him Ana and because of that he found out that he needed you". Flynn is silent.

He sounds like Christian, those are the same words. Maybe it is a speech he learnt from Flynn. The truth is I know that leave him saved us both. It is also truth that I'm still afraid that our vanilla relationship it's not enough for him. But I'm not afraid that he leaves me because of that. The answer to my fears is right in front of me, every time I look at myself in the mirror. Deep down of me, in the deepest of my being, I know that he is almost like a Greek god, with an unnatural beauty and I'm just Anastassia, the ugly bird with skinny legs that every boy makes fun of.

I said it softly; it's a confession that hurts me really deep. Anastassia had never been kissed; Anastassia had never been fucked; Anastassia had never been loved… till Christian came around.

Flynn smiles at me: "Very good Ana, I think we made real progress today. What we'll do in our next sessions is work in the reasons of your low self-esteem. I'm sure that you are not looking at yourself in the same mirror as we and we have to find out why, you deserve that Ana".

I blow my nose and shake his hand. Flynn surprised me with a hug and scratches my head, as if I was a little girl. At first my body tenses, but then I relax. I take a deep breath, Christian said that he would come to pick me up and he won't like the face I have now, he will want an answer and I don't know if I want to talk about it.

"Good by doctor Flynn" I whisper.

"Good bye Ana". And I close the door.


	3. My father's death

My father's death

It has never been easy to talk about what I feel, what happens to me. I have tried to be invisible for a long time and I have almost made it.

I leave doctor's Flynn office, but Christian is not here to pick me up, Miss Prescott is instead, with an excuse look. What a disappointment. I get on the car immerse in my sorrows, I needed so much his hug.

I review my history with Christian on my mind… He believed that I was a born submissive. Maybe it was my shyness, my clumsiness, or my weak complexion. He was wrong. It is true that I don't want to be seen, don't want to be found, but also don't want to be told what to do. Maybe it's true that I am a complicated woman, frustrating, but a submissive?

Thinking about me as one more of the 15 other has made my bile rise in my throat. I remember our brake up, my pain. My subconscious is mad and asks me to stop. I'm on my way to Escala, Prescott is driving and I know that I will have to deal with mister domineering's interrogatory. I'm not in the mood today.

I decide to go ahead of the facts, maybe I'll avoid get drown in Christian's thousands questions that I don't want to answer. I grab my Black berry and write:

To: Christian Grey

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Bad day

Hi,

Today hasn't been a good day, not after my talk with Flynn, and neither after I found out that you weren't waiting for me and that I had to settle with Prescott. However, I'm tired and I don't want to fight. I'm on my way to Escala. I sincerely hope your hug without questions.

Yours,

Anastasia Steele

Editor SIP

I press send and keep staring at my Black Berry waiting for his answer, but it doesn't come. The traffic is horrible and the car is barely moving. I want to jump outside and walk, feeling the wind on mi face, refresh my thoughts, but I know that if I do I'll have a big problem with mister control freak and I already said that I don't want to fight. I look at my phone again, but there's still no answer. I sigh; I hope he is not mad. I hold myself and shudder. I don't love me.

When I got into the apartment hall, I don't see Mrs. Jones or Taylor. There's silence in the floor. Everything is in darkness. Prescott disappears trough Taylor office and I keep walking looking for Christian, but I don't see him. Maybe it's too late and he is in our room. Suddenly I find a piece of paper on the floor, I pick it up and it has my name written on it. I would know Christian's writing anywhere. I open it to read it:

"Dear Miss Steele. Please be kind to leave your purse, change your shoes and dress warmly. I'll wait four you on the balcony.

Yours,

C".

My heart misses a beat and I run to our room, following the instructions on the paper. I put on my home shoes and wrap myself on a shawl. Then I go to the balcony, slowly. It's unbelievable how just the promise of that man changes my mood. Would he want to play today? I reach the door and it suddenly opens, at the other side there is a relaxed Christian, waiting for me and there is a table for two. He is wearing a white linen shirt, opened to his chest, light jeans and home shoes. God, he is delicious.

-"I thought that maybe today you needed some of that vanilla relationship that you like so much", he smiles and I wrap myself around his neck, I hug him tightly and he answers my hug a little confused.

-"What's wrong baby? It's not an interrogatory; I just want to know what has you like this".

I can't lie to him, but I don't want to delve into this, so I kiss him passionately, it's the only way I have to make sure he is mine. He answers the kiss but suddenly moves away. "I know where you want to go Miss Steele and don't doubt it, I want it to, but first you have to eat and let go of what weighs you down". I grimaced, but give in and look around.

The table is beautiful, with flowers and hearts. I sit down and smile, Mrs. Jones has left a cold dinner. I can make out some kind of roast beef and a rainbow of vegetables in different sauces. Everything is mouthwatering and I'm starving. Christian pours the wine and gives me a glass. "Thank you" I say. It's been a long day, and a tough afternoon. Will I ever get used to all the attention from this Greek god sitting in front of me? He pampers me like a child. My favorite wine, a delicious dinner and Seattle at my feet. I smile, Christian looks at me and says: "I would drive myself crazy if I couldn't see that smile of yours. I lights up my life". And I know he means it, his eyes are darker and the anxiety shines in them. I'm not able to hold his gaze; I blush and drop my eyes, fixing my gaze on the glass I'm holding. "Eat" he says and sighs giving himself encouragement: "poor Mrs. Jones has been running to make you this dinner". I look at him reproachfully, as if sensing my words he continues: "But Gail loves you so much, that she did it happily. Nothing is enough to cheer you up. She made your favorite dessert, I thought it was Vanilla ice cream", he smiles. He looks so young, so relaxed with his playful eyes, so different from the man I met a couple months ago. "Chocolate mousse" he says and puts on the table two beautiful cups with a mint leaf on the top. Mrs. Jones outdid herself.

"Chocolate mousse" I repeat, "but Mrs. Jones did have something wrong". Christian looks at me confused. "You are my favorite dessert" and my foot reaches his crotch under the table. Christian jumps and catches my foot. "I see dinner has changed your mood for the better, he says. I nod.

We've eaten and enjoyed everything, almost quietly. Christian is checking every move I make. I outdid myself trying to eat everything. I haven't said a thing and I know that Christian hopes an act of trust on my part; this is the time to talk.

I take a deep breath and begin: "Christian, the truth is that this sessions with doctor Flynn haven't been easy and I don't think they will be in the future" I smile resigned, Christian doesn't take his eyes away from me, trying to guess my next words. "It seems that in one visit, Doctor Flynn has managed to unravel my ghosts and my fears. I'll be honest, I had never been worried about the image I had of myself. Since I can remember I have felt…" I stop to find the words, Christian looks at me while holding my hand. "I feel small and insignificant. A battered old bird that nobody sees". Christian tries to say something, "Ana", he starts, but I stop him, "you wanted me to talk, I'm trying to, but it's not easy for me". He kisses my knuckles and squeezes my hand. I carry on. "But everything changed when you saw me, somehow you found me and these feelings of yours, so intense and beautiful have me confused, they have flattered me, scared me".

"Scared you", he interrupts. "Yes, scared me. I have never felt this connection with anyone, this dependence, and to think that one day you will leave me…" He interrupts "I won't leave you Ana, how can you think that! Is this because of our vanilla relationship? God, Ana, I have told you that I want whatever kind of relationship you want, I just need you, nothing else". He says it sincerely and he overwhelms me with his words, I stay quiet. "Sorry" he says and sits down next to me to hold me. Those strong arms, that cover me and comfort me, I could stay like this for hours, but I want to end this: "Christian, this is not about you and that's what Doctor Flynn wants to talk about. He thinks that there is something in my past that makes me afraid of abandonment and my poor perception of myself must have the same cause. On my next session, Doctor Flynn will hypnotize me to see if he can find something". He looks at me with pity; I think he is afraid for me, for what I can find out; maybe that's how he knew about his birth mother. Oh! I just thought about it and it probably is. I won't ask, I prefer to leave it. I keep going: "It probably won't be easy and I want you to be there" I finish. "Oh, Ana, of course I'll be with you baby" and he holds me tight.

We'll do the hypnosis on our apartment, Christian insisted on it and Flynn accepted it. By my request it won't be in our room, it will be in the library, where we put a sofa and two chairs, one for Flynn and one for Christian. I'm wearing grey cotton slacks that fall without much grace from my hips and a black t-shirt. I'm comfortable, but anxious; I wonder what Flynn could find out. I'm afraid that there may be some stuff that I rather not know; maybe that's why I forgot them. My whole body tenses when Taylor comes in and announces him, "Mr. Grey, Doctor Flynn is on his way up".

The door of the elevator opens and the Doctor appears. "Good afternoon" he says. "Good afternoon Doctor" I say, and Christian just shakes his hand and smiles. "Everything is ready" he says, and for some reason he seems excited about this. Maybe it's because I asked him to stay or maybe it's just a way to hide his nervousness. I don't know.

"Let's start then" says Flynn. My heart tightens; I feel a lump in my throat and my muscles tense as we enter the library. "Sit down Ana, make yourself comfortable. The idea is that you can support your head, so all the muscles on your body relax. You are going to close your eyes and focus on your breathing, in and out; with every breath, you are going to relax a part of your body: your feet, your ankles". I feel like if Flynn voice has changed, becoming more monotonous. He keeps speaking slowly, and suddenly says: "Let's go to your last day of school Ana, high school, this will be the last day in that place, do you see it Ana?" "Yes" I answer. "Very good Ana, what do you see?" he asks. "I'm in my classroom, picking up my books, I am alone and sad, I take my things and leave, I stop at the door and look to my table empty" I say. "Very good Ana, I want us to go a little further back, let's go to your 15th birthday, do you remember it?" he asks. "No" I answer drily and frown. "Nothing Ana?" he insists. "No" I almost shout. "Ok Ana, let's see if you remember your first day at school". I stop frowning, and feel like a kid again. "Who are you with Ana?" "I'm with my mom and Ray. I'm wearing my blue dress and my hair is in a bun to tight, it hurts". "Ok, and what are you doing Ana?" "I'm going into a big and very bright classroom, there is a black woman that spreads her arms, but I don't want to go, I cling to the Ray's arms and cry. My mom pulls me harder and they both leave. I stay crying alone". In my innocence am surprised by that memory. The truth is that I had forgotten it; I just had some flashes, like pictures, of that day. "Ana, we are going even further back, you are a baby, tiny and defenseless. We are going wherever your mind wants us to go, okay? Flynn says. "Yes". He keeps talking, "you are little and there is someone looking at your face closely, who is it Ana?" "It's my dad" I say, "Ray?" Flynn asks. "No, my dad" I answer. "Okay Ana, what do you see?" "He is looking at me and he is happy. He takes me in his arms and holds me tight, it hurts and I cry, my mom comes running and takes me away from him. They fight and he goes away. Mom screams at him, I think a door bangs. No daddy don't go, stay with me, I won't cry again, daddy!" I sound like a gasp. "What's going on Ana" Flynn intervenes. "I'm alone in my crib, I'm cold and hungry. I cry but nobody comes to see me. I cry harder, but nothing happens. A woman takes me and carries me to my mom. Mom looks at me, but doesn't hold me. Mommy please hold me, why won't you hold me? I cry, mommy is alone and dark". "Dark?" Flynn asks. "Dark, her clothes is dark and daddy is gone, he never came back, he died" and I start crying.

"Wake her up". It's Christian talking. "Wait a second Grey". "No, now, wake her up for God's sake Flynn!" I hear him anguished. "Okay, wake up Ana, come back with us". I open my eyes and sit up quickly, with the anguish still in my heart, I hug Christian and say "my daddy died because I cried, it's my fault!" I sob. Flynn gives me a tissue and says: "Ana, what you lived today will allowed you to understand some things about yourself. I believe that you know that what happen to your father was an accident and that a little baby doesn't have a way to be responsible for that. Do you?" He sounds protective. While Christian doesn't let go of me, I answer "yes, I know Doctor Flynn". "Alright Ana. The important thing now is that we found out some things about your fear of abandonment, don't you think?" Christian intervenes "I think it's enough for today John". "Yes Christian, we are finished. Ana, think about what happened today, next session will be easier that this one, I promise". "Thank you Doctor". "Please, after all this, you can call me John". "Thank you John", I smile feeling thankful and embarrassed. Christian holds me and finally this is over.


	4. Husband number three

**Husband number three**

We see how Flynn goes away and leaves the library, outside Taylor escorts him to the elevator. Christian keeps holding me but doesn't speak. Perhaps this terrible episode has served to further understand each other. It's funny that we both are always thinking that one is going to leave. Maybe we have more things in common than we thought.

He hugs me, takes me in his arms and carries me to our bedroom. I usually hate to be carried, but I am so tired that the heat from his body relaxes and comforts me.

He sits in the bed, I'm still in his arms and he doesn't let go, God, how good it is here. His heat starts to wake me up, he is not moving, but I have an incredible need to kiss him. My hands come to life and start to caress his arms, strong, firm; that permitted area that is a delight itself. I barely brushed him with the pads of my fingers, but I feel like his body is tense behind me.

He holds me tight, but I want to break free, I need to, gently, I move and turn to face him. I feel his erection against my body and I know that I don't need more.

"Are you sure?" Christian says, I interrupt and surprised him with a passionate kiss, and stick my tongue in his open mouth, still talking.

My hands tangle in his hair and pull it; his hands strip me in a second, while still kissing me. He leaves my mouth and moves lower, kissing my neck, my collarbone, keeps going down slowly, to my breasts. He bites and sucks my nipple with his tongue soft and warm. My body trembles, my hands move down and settle on his butt, pressing him closer to me. Meanwhile, he has changed to my other breast and gently tortures it. His hands have moved down to my pussy and his fingers rub my clit till making me explode.

I gasp and say his name: "Christian, please". He doesn't answer and puts his mouth on my clit, I can't take it anymore and as soon as I feel his touch, I broke into a thousand pieces, shaking. Then he sits up and kisses me softly, while I feel how his penis finds the way and sweetly penetrates me. Our bodies sway, rub and increase their speed. I gasp and hold my breath, feeling the muscles in my body tensed, anticipating my big bang while shouting his name. I feel how he reaches his climax and screams "Ana" before falling over me. We hugged for a while. We fit perfectly and I would like to stay here, but Christian has already moved out of me and looks at me smiling.

"That was some good vanilla sex, wasn't it Ana? I smile and reply: "Very appropriate".

"Anything you want to tell me?" Silence. "You know you can talk about whatever you want".

Finally I decide, and with eyes flooded with tears I reply: "Thank you".

"Oh baby, there's nothing you have to thank me. I'm the one who has to thank you, for letting me be part of your wonderful world. You know you could not prevent the death of your father, he did not abandon you, and he loved you ... like me."

I cannot hold back the tears running silently down my cheeks. "Do not leave me" I babble, "Never" he answers and our lips get together in another kiss.

- oOo-

The wonderful closet that Christian has bought me doesn't hold any interest for me today. I pick a couple of things that I have already worn. I know they match, so I don't have to think about it. Christian looks at me frowning, I don't want to talk, so I give him my back to start my ritual.

"Ana, sweetheart, are you alright?" I lie: "Yes Christian" I answer. There's a little silence, and I feel him move behind me: "You are beautiful Miss Steel… You know that you don't have to go to work, Ana". He hugs me from behind; I close my eyes and answer: "Let's not relived old arguments, you know I have to go to work, I like what I do and there are a couple of gossipers that I have to keep quiet. Since the bought of SIP came public, everything has been harder for me".

"Ana, you don't have to prove anything to anyone. How many times do I have to tell you this", he has that dark look at the edge of anger.

"But I want to do it, and end of the discussion. Remember that I have a session with Flynn, will you go for me or do I have to settle with Prescott?" I smile. His look changes with understanding.

"Wait for me; I'll go pick you up". He hugs me and kisses my forehead.

I pick my purse and go to pick up my lunch. Mrs. Jones is waiting for me with a paper bag. I love Gail's lunches and I remember it when I open my bag at lunchtime and taste the surprises that his woman sends me every day. It is a blessing, without a doubt.

The day passes quickly. Between manuscripts and emails I have barely check my email. Before leaving I feel my Black berry buzzing, it's an email from Christian.

To: Anastasia Steele

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Yours forever

Anastasia,

I haven't stop thinking about your sad eyes this morning. This is a commitment that I want to make with you, because I need you to know for sure what I feel about you.

Before you came into my life, I only knew one kind of relationship. An empty relationship based only in my own satisfaction, but from the day you tumble into my office, my life changed. My eyes and my heart are only yours. I will never leave you; I will be with you for as long as you want me. I know what it feels like to be without you and I don't want to feel like that ever again. Are we together in this?

Yours forever,

Christian

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprise Holdings, INC.

Oh Christian, my lost boy, my fifty shades, my man, mine forever. I sigh and grab my stuff.

-oOo-

Once out of SIP I slow my steps, I don't want to be late to Flynn's office. It's been a week since my hypnosis and I know that there are some questions that I need to answer, and I'm not sure if I want to keep digging in my past. I have Christian forever, what else do I need?

"Good afternoon Ana" Flynn greets me.

"Good afternoon John" I answer forcing a smile.

"Before you ask anything John, there is something I want to talk to you about. Since last week I haven't stop thinking about everything that happened when I was a child. I think we both know that our parent's actions marked us for life, but I never thought that they could determine our behavior.

I know my father's accident wasn't my fault, I know that I could not have helped it. For those rare designs, his time had come, just like it wasn't Christian's time when… when his mother died or when it was the uhh… accident of Charly Tango. I grew up without my biological father; I don't remember anything from him, nor even his arms or his voice. But what happened last week, just explains my fear of abandon.

When I was 4 or 5 years old, I got sick. Nothing so especial, just what kids always have, fever, vomiting. At that time, mom was married with Ray. The good Ray; I think he had never seen a sick child. I can't remember, but I suppose he offered me a cup of tea, ha ha. Instead, my mom didn't even move from my side. She took care of me day and night while I was delirious with fever. That is unconditional love and my family was complete then.

But, as much as I wanted to, Ray wasn't the perfect man for my mom and sooner rather than later, everything end. As you know John, I think of Ray as my father, I guess because of all the years we spent together and because of his love, unconditional for me. But mom wasn't born to be alone and soon after, she had a new boyfriend, a new husband. Husband number three. Nor mom or I like to talk about him; I guess because he changed the relationship we used to have.

I always felt like a holdback in that man's life. The day he met me, he told mom: "Anastasia, what a beautiful name for such a horrendous old bird" and although my mom laughed thinking it was a joke, I knew it was true. He was very handsome, with beautiful green eyes and strong arms. His judgment, "horrendous old bird", was like a stab to me. I was at that age when I wanted men to look at me, but with that comment he shattered all my illusion. Mom has always been more attractive than me, but I was younger, that was supposed to give me advantage, right? Not that I wanted to compete with my mom... maybe I did, I don't know. What I do know, is that I didn't need a rejection like that.

One day I got sick, just like when I was a child, with fever and delirium. When he came home, I was wrapped up on the couch, watching TV. He looked at me, but didn't see me… invisible, I was like that to him and I guess that kept me calm. But suddenly, he got anger and walk to where I was…"

I can't keep going; I have a lump in my throat that doesn't let me breathe. John has sit next to me and holds my hand: "He came to where you were and what Ana?"

"He took me by my arms and pulled his face to mine. There was fury in his eyes. Between fear and the fever I was shaking. He pulled his mouth to mine… I remember the green in his eyes so… intense. When I thought he was going to kiss me, he threw me against the door of my room. I cut my head and start bleeding, but he didn't move. He looked at me with a weird smile on his lips. I had the feeling that he was mocking me. I stood up as I could and went to my room.

When mom came home, he greeted her as if nothing had happened. When she asked about me, he said that I was in my room and that I hadn't gone out in all afternoon. That was true, I din did not want to meet that green-eyed monster again. I was in my bed, with a cut in my forehead by the blow and with a high fever. Mom knew that something wasn't right, she asked me about the cut, about him, but I lied, I told her that I had stumbled in the bathroom because of the fever. I have never been a good liar, that's why I think she suspected something and felt really hurt with me for lying. She left my room and didn't come back… I never knew if it was because she was mad at me or because the third husband didn't allowed her.

"Ana, what do you think was his intention when he grabbed you from the couch?" Flynn asked interested.

"His intention? I don't know. Some days I think he wanted to kiss me and others, to show me how much he despised me. I would like to know what you think about it John?"

The good Flynn had to think about it and then he answered, "I think he was a man tormented by his instincts, he probably loved your mother, but he liked you, even though you were almost a child. I think he was about to fall that evening when he saw you alone and fragile, but he controlled himself as best he could, but that hurt you. What do you think now Ana?"

"Either you're crazy or you're right, I cannot get decided, John." I said seriously.

"Well Ana, you have a week to think about it and let me know. What happened with the third husband after that?" He asked me, but I got tense while searching for any excuse to leave, I think it was enough for today.

"It's time Flynn and Christian is waiting for me", I sighed.

"Well, let's not keep Mr. Grey waiting then. Goodbye Anastasia".

"See you next time John".

Just as he promised, Christian was waiting for me at the lobby of the office. He was wearing an elegant black suit, God, what a handsome men. He does look like an important executive today. But his eyes are cold. Shit, what did I do this time? Mentally I checked my routine, I did not went out alone, much to my regret, Prescott went with me everywhere, I did what I said, left the office and came straight to Flynn's, God! What's with the face! What did I do wrong?

Christian greeted Flynn with a handshake and saw the confusion in my eyes. He put his arm around my waist and pulled me to his body. Downstairs Taylor was waiting for us in the SUV. Christian still hasn't opened his mouth. He opened my door to get on the car and then slide right next to me by the other side.

I took a deep breath and let go. "Is something wrong Christian?" Quietly, he looked at mw for a while. His eyes cold and distant: "Why do you ask? Should be something wrong?" His voice was almost as cold as his eyes. "Well, I don't know, you could tell me! Why are you looking at me like you don't know me? Did I do something? Because this time, I swear that I have no idea what could have been!" Silence. "Well, if you haven't done anything, then there's nothing wrong". I could not take it anymore, "enough Christian! Can you tell me what did I do wrong? So we end up with the hints for once ". "Well" he began "it's actually something you didn't do…" Again I ran a mile a minute the whole day in my mind, without finding a fault or lack of commitment until, oh, oh, his email. I looked at him again and his eyes weren't cold anymore, instead they were sad, disappointed. Of course, I didn't answer his email; this is so bad, I'm so dumb, I hurt the feelings of the man I love.

"Oh, I see, I didn't answer your email. Is it because of that? Christian didn't answer. Of course that is it. I unbuckled my seatbelt and climbed into his lap to look into his eyes. I took his chin and forced him to look at me. "I love you" I say, and with eyes wide open, I kiss him.


	5. The 15th birthday

**The 15th birthday**

As if there was any doubt, once we got on the elevator he pushed me against the wall, and stuck his tongue on my mouth, barely letting me breathe. My hands are entwined in his hair while he pulls mine, possessing me completely. As always, the elevator ride was very short and I remembered our first time in an elevator.

"What's with the elevators" he said with a carefree smile and I knew that his temper had been left in the car.

Even so, I wanted to leave my answer to his mail written, so while he was looking for two glasses and wine, I pulled out my BlackBerry and wrote:

To: Christian Grey

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Yours forever

We are in this together. Do you remember why I left? Because you could not stand that I loved you. I just want to tell you that deserve my love as much as I do yours. I love you and yes, I'm yours forever.

Yours,

Anastasia Steele

Editor SIP

-oOo-

"Well Anastasia? Am I crazy or am I right?" And just like that, my fifth session with Flynn began. I couldn't help my smile once I got in his office. "You have a good memory John, the truth is that I haven't made my decision yet. I'm thinking about it while we go through our sessions".

"Very good Ana. I think we still have a couple of things to do, right? Where do you want to start, darling?"

There was something different in Flynn's voice this time. Maybe he realized that I'm not the spoiled girl that is judged harshly, even though she's had it all in her life. Sure, next to Christian's suffers, mine seems bad taste. A clumsy and dumb girl, who feels abandoned by her father's death, her mother's incomprehension, the reject of her stepfather, husband number three… Ray is another story; he is unconditional, as every loving parent is supposed to be.

"Ana?" Is Flynn interrupting my thoughts, again.

"Yes John. I was thinking that the love of your parent is supposed to be unconditional…"

"Yes, it mostly is… Why do you say that Ana? Are you thinking about Christian's mother?"

"Yes and no, John. I think that that woman must have been very sick to abandon a little defenseless child, just like that. Every time I picture him, dirty, malnourished, his skin full of wounds, I can't tell you how I suffer… I can't understand it. Then I look at my childhood. Of course, next to his, I was so happy".

"Ana, our character is formed by everything that happens in our life, it doesn't justify our behavior, but it helps us understand. In our sessions, for example, we have discovered facts about your childhood that helps us understand your personality traits ... Do those justified how you have yourself in so little regard? I don't think so".

While saying this, he has been moving closer slowly. He's sitting next to me and holds my hand. Flynn reads the confusion on my face, my hands sweat. I'm so uncomfortable I would run out of here, but my legs don't respond.

"Relax, Ana. We will have to work on this. Not every men that comes close to you wants to kiss you, ok?" I feel my face blushing. I would like to kill Flynn right this moment. Why is he playing with me? But he keeps going "Well? Where do you want to go? By the third husband or by your fifteenth birthday?"

It seems that I won't be able to get away with this. I take a deep breath, swallowed hard, here I go: "Both, if you want John. The truth is that the day I turn 15 and the third husband got the same future. Failure… Since the day he hit me everything got worse at home. Mom didn't trust in any of us, she knew that we were hiding something. When the three of us where at home, he didn't talk to me, I was invisible, he only talked when it was extremely necessary and because my mom insisted on it. But when we were alone it was worst… He didn't stop insulting me, even without me provoking him. His eyes were always mad at me. I… I hadn't done anything, I never got in between my mom's relationships, that's why I couldn't understand his reaction to me. If I was sitting on the couch, I was useless, an obstacle and I should leave ... if I was in the kitchen, he would screamed that this was not a place for an old bird, to be careful, because I could burn my feathers. A gangly and awkward old bird, that's how he defined me. If I was in my room and he came, he would open my door shut, waiting discover me into something bad. Everything was so strange... Mom was not comfortable with him anymore".

"In my family they have always celebrated the 15 years of a woman ... it's weird because everyone celebrates their 16, but not in my family. My grandmother says that this is the age for girls to have a boyfriend... Ha! Sure, as if just because I turn years someone would notice me".

"But I wasn't going to argue with my mom and her traditions. My 15th birthday fall on Wednesday, but my party would be on Saturday. Mon had worked very hard and even taking extra shifts to pay for that dumb party, so that day she wasn't with us. When I came back from school he was already at home, his car was parked between the two spaces at the front of the house… That was weird, because he hated it when my mom did it. I went in with a heavy heart, feeling that something was wrong".

"Have I ever told you about Bonnie?" Flynn shakes his head. "No, of course not, I haven't thought of that day. Bonnie was a beautiful white rabbit mom had bought me as a pet. I didn't love him specially… He was a rabbit, he never responded to his name, he didn't play with me; but I took care of him every day, gave him food and took him out of his cage, which was already too small for him to exercise. His fur was soft and I adored petting him".

"Well, husband number three, was sitting in front of the TV off and on the coffee table was a beautiful white box with a blue bow. He saw me got in and motioned for me to sit. Then he said: 'Ana, dear, I have a gift for you, a gift for your birthday. Do you know that once you turn 15 you will not be a child anymore? So you should be leaving aside those things. Take the box and open it you ungrateful girl', he screamed. Trembling, I picked up the package and get rid of the blue ribbon. Inside was a butcher knife. I panicked and froze, but managed to stammer out a 'Thank You'. He laughed out loud and said: 'Don't thank me yet! With that knife we are going to cook together a birthday dinner'. He got up and took me by the arms, pulling his body to mine, I was trembling. 'We will prepare a delicious meal and you'll enjoy it or we will do the same to your mom'. I didn't understand what he meant... He took me to the kitchen and sat me on a chair. Then he went out to the backyard and came back with Bonnie in his arms... 'Have you eaten rabbit, Anastasia?' Only then I realized what he had said, I stood up, but he sat me back and said: 'You stay still or I will tie you, bitch'. Then he took a baseball bat and hit Bonnie in the head until it was killed. He skinned the rabbit with the knife that was in the box... my birthday gift. He made me look during the whole time, telling me that if I didn't really enjoy it, he would do the same to my mom. The terror overwhelmed me; mom was the only really unconditional thing I had in my life. But I was barely a girl, God! When mom came, my eyes were swollen from crying so much. Mom apologized a thousand times for not being with me that day. He served dinner, Bonnie, my Bonnie..."

I feel the tears run down my cheeks and I see Flynn's trembling hand giving me handkerchief to dry my tears, but he doesn't say anything. I continued: "There's no need to tell you that I wasn't hungry. When Mom saw a delicious rabbit on the table, she opened her eyes in horror and understood everything, my pain, my anguish. I saw her take a breath to speak, but my eyes begged her not to do it. I think my panic face managed to convey my feelings and mom just smiled and said: 'Oh dear, what a delicious dinner you prepared for my Anastasia, thank you very much' and we ate in silence. Mom and he stayed up late in the living room. At midnight she came into my room, telling me he was drunk and would not wake up... She forced me to tell her everything".

"The following days were filled with fear, mom made me go from school to her work and wait there so we could get home together. He suspected, but didn't say anything... The Saturday, before my party, my mother left me alone with him... Now I know it was the lure of the trap. While I was dressing he came into my room with the knife from my birthday. My body was completely paralyzed, he approached me and said: 'I told you not to open your mouth, bitch, now we have to skinned mommy and eat her! Or do you want me to do it to you first?' He came closer to me and grabbed my hair, sliding the knife, cutting it. I let out a shriek and at that moment, mom came in with the police. Then everything happened very quickly, they disarmed him and took him away, mom hugged me and apologized. I cried, I cried from relief, from fear. Then she dressed me and did what was left of my hair to go to my party... 'The show must go on' she said. She smiled and we left my room".

Flynn's still sitting near me. His arm wrapped me protectively. I know he doesn't mean anything bad, he just contains me, encouraging me to continue, but I don't want to talk. After a comforting silence, Flynn decides to talk: "Ana, why haven't you discussed this with anyone?" I reply: "I guess I always felt responsible for what happened, guilty. Don't look at me like that John! Exposing this and my father's death has helped me let go of my burdens. Talk about this today, with you, has made me feel a little lighter. Can you imagine the grim image of a tall, thin girl, wearing a ridiculous pink dress and with her hair destroyed? Probably my family thought that I had attacked my image in a fit of rebellion, so their reception was not as warm as I needed. Just mom held me, but I've never known to lie really well and that party was torture".

John stays in silence, weighing my words; he looks at me fondly and says: "Ana, dear, when we started these sessions I told you that you deserved to learn how to love and trust yourself. Today I believe that you have been damaged a lot in your life and that you could have even gone mad in the process. In light of this, low self-esteem is a trifle. However, I still want you to see the beautiful woman you are. Probably that man blamed you for his feelings and tried to deal with them making you suffer. He was a tormented man who terrorized you. I'm sure you felt fear for a long time, maybe that is why you didn't get involve in relationships until you met Christian. Ana, I think you should tell him what you've told me. It will help him understand some things, just as it has helped us, don't you think? We're done for today. Goodbye Ana".

Christian is outside waiting for me. "God, Flynn, when are you going to give me my woman back with a smile on her face and not with her eyes swelling form so much crying!" He seems truly mad. "People react in different ways when they remember Mister Grey". Flynn answers undeterred with my boyfriend's clear anger.

As usual, Christian hugs me by my waist and pulls me close to him, while we go down on the elevator. Taylor is waiting for us downstairs. "Are you alright Ana?" His eyes are really worried, confused. I smile. "Let's go home, there's something I want to tell you".

Christian listens closely my story; I see how his eyes move from awe, to fear, then to anger. It is that dangerous look, full of fury that prevails in his eyes. He finally says: "His name, I want his name, Ana, I'll ruin him". And I know he will.


	6. Resilience

**Resilience**

"There is something I still don't understand baby", says Christian. I just look at my man, lost in the beauty of his naked body in the dark. He continues: "How come you never told me about this until today?". His voice sounds like a criticism, but he hugs me tightly.

"Ana, I'm talking to you", he insists… Why did you hide this from me, don't you trust me?"

Oh, here we go again. I have to stop this before he clams like an oyster and we lose everything we've overcome. Even though I don't feel like talking… "For God's sake Christian! It's not what you are saying. Don't you think that we have overcome several… uhmm problems together? God! Our lives have changed so much since we met, and it's only been a couple of weeks! You don't go around saying 'look, when I was 15 years old a psychopath made me eat my pet'. Don't you think? Besides, next to what others have suffered…"

I stop for a minute and look at his eyes, his movements have become awkward. I take a deep breath and continue slowly: "Love; next to your own problems and memories, mine seem so small. I wasn't a 4 years old child like you, and I had a strong mother who stood up for me. Probably, the biggest damage was that for many years, many, many years, she couldn't help that I had the worst image of myself. I tried to be invisible; I already told you that… And I would have succeeded, if it wasn't for Kate getting sick, so she would have to send me to your office for the interview". I smile at him, but his eyes are still dark, and his lips in a tight line, like trying to hold his words. I look at him, straight to his eyes, so he knows that everything I say is true, but he doesn't let up.

He stays still while time moves slow. He made it to the end of the bed and is sitting with his feet on the rug of our room. I settle down and try to reach him, hugging him from behind, but he gets up, puts on gray sweatpants and leaves the room. God, what do I do now? Should I follow him? Should I wait for him? Maybe he needs more time. No, it's not that. He is going to get his revenge from that bastard tomorrow morning. There has to be something else going on here. I put on one of his shirts and go after him.

In the shadow, I see Christian is sitting in the piano, but it has the lid down. His head is resting on his hands and he is pulling his hair softly. He looks dejected, and my heart is breaking with this. I reach for him, and lean against his body. We breathe quietly; I see his scars and close my eyes. I can't do that now. Suddenly, he turns and takes me by the waist, forcing me to sit astride his legs, between him and the piano. Now his eyes look so sad, I try to hug him, but he stops me and avoids my gaze ... oh oh.

"Look Anastasia, you have changed my life, it's true, and I guess I have changed yours too. You have been the first normal relationship I ever had, my first in almost everything, and I love it. My life, my childhood was terrible, I know, but then the Greys came and they protected me, and took care of me till today, right?". There's a tense silence. "I forbid you to feel pity for me ever again. I don't feel pity for what happened to me, probably I deserve it, I don't know". I try to speak but he stops me and stares at me: "I also forbid you to think, feel or suspect that your problems are less relevant than mine. You are the most important thing in my life. I almost died when you left me; I've told you a hundred times, shit! And that's because there is nothing in this world that I care more than you. I want to know everything about you; I want to protect you from everything and everyone. No one will hurt you, not even me. When you get bored of me and leave me, I'll let you go free".

I can feel my eyes fill with tears that go running warm down my face. His gaze has softened and he takes my face in his strong hands. "Don't cry", he says and kisses my tears. This man, a control freak, has me absolutely dominated. I would never do anything to hurt him, ever. I look at him and whisper "I will never leave you", and he hugs me.

-oOo-

-"Hello, John is that you?"

-"Yes Ana. How are you?"

-Excellent Flynn. Do you know what I got telling Christian about the third husband?"

Even through the phone I can feel Flynn smiling while he answers me:

-"I can imagine, but I rather you tell me personally".

-"Yes, yes. I believe this deserves a glass of wine John. I'm coming over".

The ride to Flynn offices was fast. I told Christian that I had an extra session today, because of the marriage thing and that I needed to talk with John. For God's sake, it's enough that I have to deal with my own guilt, to also add new guilt about my psychiatrist and my freak control boyfriend.

"The doctor is with a patient right now. You'll have to wait a little Miss Steele", told me Flynn's smiling secretary. "No problem, I can wait", I answer politely.

Five, ten, fifteen minutes later… Flynn will have to charge extra to this patient. I start to walk over to complain to the secretary for the lateness, when someone opens the door:

-Christian? I say in shock. He smiles at me with mischief in his eyes.

-"Miss Steele, I'm sorry I made Doctor Flynn late, but it was an emergency".

Suddenly I think that maybe he is here because of Leyla. But he wouldn't be so smiling if that was the case. I ask him anyway:

-"Leyla?"

-"Oh, no, a much more interesting woman that drives me crazy". He winks at me and leaves.

John is waiting for me at his office. That man has a skill to do as if nothing had happened. "John", I chided him. He motions for me to sit and says: "And what did you want me to do? Christian has been my patient longer than you and frankly, he was really worried, but I won't say anything else. It's professional secrecy".

While I'm taking a sit, I take a deep breath to answer him: "I assume that this privilege is for both sides? Did he tell you what he did?" John shakes his head and says "you can tell me, Ana, I think that's why you move our session for today? Right?".

"Part of it John", I reply dryly. "It's just that I'm worried for that man. Christian tracked him down and found him in less than two days. I couldn't believe it Flynn. How does he make everybody obey him so fast? We were sitting in the kitchen when he sayd: 'I found him', and smiled like a kid who just made a mischief which he is very proud of. I'll admit that my stomach churned and I turned pale instantly. Christian couldn't hide his pride and said, 'yes, I found him in a town in Mississippi, called Summer. It was a place too small for a psychopath like him. He had a small grocery store'. Well, I guess you know what the 'Grey' way to do things is. He bought the store, fired him and then closed the place. He discovered he had an unpaid mortgage with a bank, paid it and kick him out of his house. In such a small town, he fell from grace and left. Christian is looking to ruin him again and again ... until the man gets tired".

"You know John, I think I feel avenged somehow, as in the old books, but it is too much. Okay, he did it, but I don't want him to continue. I feel grateful or avenged; whatever he chooses".

"Look John, I didn't keep thinking about him. I had forgotten him or blocked him from mi mind, as you prefer, till the date of the hypnosis, when you asked me about my 15th birthday".

I feel the change in my voice while I calm down and go back to remember:

"After that day, the trial came, and then the restraining orders. We needed to get rid of his stuff. And even though my mom wanted me to stay away from all that, I needed to erase the traces of that man in our lives with my bare hands. So not only we cleaned his stuff; I decided that we needed to paint the house, so for weeks I painted, room by room, inside and out, until I felt clean".

"I wasn't a girl with many friends, I never was. I looked for company in my books, the classics, you know, Shakespeare, Keats, Marlowe; and next to their stories, what I had lived, had a happy ending. There was so much to suffer in life, that what I had didn't seem enough".

"I had no depression, no change in my personality; I didn't rebel against anyone, nothing... The health service specialist told my mom that I had an amazing ability to overcome the traumatic events I had lived. She called it 'resilience', and yes, I believed I was able to get over everything. I also think I was like that, because nothing in life mattered enough to me, to not want to continue living; I had a simple life, where I felt comfortable".

"The only time I thought I wasn't going to be able to move on, was when I broke up with Christian and left him. I stopped eating, I stopped sleeping. I was like a zombie going to work. I wasn't even able to notice that Hyde was harassing me. I think that the spiral of destruction would have continued until I died or until Kate arrived ... if I lived up to that point".

Flynn interrupts me with a question: "Ana, you think Christian took your ability of resilience from you?"

I replied calmly: "I love him, I love him so much John. I think I could get over anything but losing him. But it's not that. Christian has not taken anything away from me; he just gave me a reason to live for real".

John smiles, "I think you should tell him... Let me tell you something, he is nervous as a child, because he fears you won't forgive him for what he did to the third husband, even when he is happy about it".

To my surprise, Christian is waiting for me when I leave the office. He has a beautiful purple orchid in his hands. I throw myself into his arms and he catches me securely as ever. "Let's make a deal" I say, "I'll accept that beautiful flower and won't complain about any gift you give me, none". "None?" he asks in amazement. "None," I insist. "But you leave that man alone. He's had enough and I feel avenged, as in the books, okay?". I know Christian hates this type of promises, the ones that make him feel limited, but he concedes and nods gravely, "deal Miss Steele".

"Now let's get out of here, because for once, Flynn has given you back with a smile on your face, and perfect to go out for dinner".


	7. My friend Kate

**My friend Kate**

"Look John", I say seriously, "I must admit something good about these sessions. They say that when you tell someone about your traumas, they become smaller, and this has been like that. I feel more… liberated? I don't know if that's exactly the word".

I see how Flynn looks at me without blinking, his straight stance disturbs me, and I feel that the uncomfortable question is coming, but this time I'm prepared... I think. God! My ghosts may have diminished, but I still fear that I might not be enough for Christian... someday he'll get tired of our vanilla relationship and want something that I can't give him... I think about this at least three times a day... maybe it's a mistake that we get married. Shit, Flynn takes a breath, here it comes:

"Is everything all right, Ana?". God! How does he do it? This man can sniff my discomfort. I nod without words... I don't know how to lie, "It seems that you are not so sure", he asks... I sigh and I know that I won't get anything with my silence: "Look John, I know once I say this, you'll think I'm crazy or tell me we have already talked about it...".

"Don't judge my reactions before I have them, Ana", Flynn interrupts me. "We'll talk about whatever you want, all the times you need". I take a deep breath and stay staring at my hands: "I don't know if I can John, I don't know if I can live like this, with him. There are times when I think I can see frustration in his eyes and I don't know how to help him, I don't know what causes it... sometimes I'm sure he wants more and, frankly John, is not that I'm as innocent as a white dove... I... well... there are things, games in the Red Room, they are not bad, but... I don't know... it's, it's hard... do you know why I left?", Flynn nods wordlessly, but I won't continue until he tells me what he knows.

"Well Ana, I know that something happened in the playroom that you didn't like and you left", he says calmly.

"That's what happened… broadly speaking... I, I wanted to know what was the worst that could happen. I was already in love with Christian. God, it seems like it's been years and it was only a few weeks ago... but I needed to know if I could endure... the punishments, because I really wanted, I don't know... to please him. Yes, I wanted with all my heart to be the woman he needed. So I asked him to punish me... hard... I just wanted to try, to try me... and he agreed; he did it gladly.

He tied my hands and began to hit me with a leather whip, one blow after another, and another, and another; I don't know how many they were... It was out of my control. I never said the safe word, I forgot, I was lost in the confusion and physical pain of the whipping.

Ray, my father... he never hit me, neither my mom... no... I didn't and I still don't understand how, why, you can enjoy hurting someone you love... When I escaped to my room, I didn't want him to touch me... Yu don't destroy what you love, and that was what he did with me... It wasn't only the pain, it was his joy while he beat me; he enjoyed hurting me. There... I realized that I wasn't the woman he needed, because somehow I don't understand, his submissive, the other 15, they liked what he did... they enjoyed it, but me, I could never enjoy that...

You know what John? I had to try, and I had to tell him what I felt while he tried to console me, I felt anger, pain and love, a confusing mix of emotions. I tried to make him understand that I loved him, I told him and his reaction was... worse, it hurt more than a thousand lashes... I'm not a submissive; I'd never had a relationship with a man. For God's sakes Flynn, I was a virgin! ¿Didn't I have the right to fall in love with him?".

I can feel my tears fall one by one, thick down my cheeks as I keep going with my story. "But he didn't want me to love him, my words were almost an insult to him ... I couldn't stay there... I got up and left, he asked me not to, he asked me to stay, but I knew I wasn't the woman he hoped I would be... nor would I be... and I left... I was leaving my heart in that penthouse, tied to his life forever, but at that moment I didn't know... I just wanted to run into the arms of my friend, my sister, Kate... but she wasn't in our apartment... In that stupid moment I had forgotten she was on vacation with Christian's brother... God! Kate ...".

"Did I tell you how we became friends?". Flynn shakes his head and says softly: "It seems that this girl has had a great influence in your life".

I'm so happy to leave the pain zone I'm in… Talking about Kate will do me good, even thou I can't forget I'll never be a submissive… I keep talking to Flynn:

"After the third husband, mom took no time in finding the fourth... but he wanted to go to Georgia, where he was from, and she tried to drag me with her... but, maybe in the first sane act I had in a while, I asked her to let me live with Ray. He was practically my father and I was about to finish school, so I didn't want to move, I have never liked them... Mom said yes and Ray was happy to have her baby back at home for a while.

When I finished school, Ray and I had almost merged, we both became reserved and shy, and our life together was easy. I didn't have to deal with uncomfortable questions, and we both held an unconditional love for each other... as should happen with parents... I am very lucky and much loved.

When I left school I had become a bookworm, I had no friends, let alone a social life, but I didn't care, the stories in my books were my own life, I suffered with their loves and I rejoiced in their triumphs, living incredible adventures through them.

My expectations for college were moderate, I knew I would do well academically and I expected to remain invisible to the world, because I was comfortable... sometimes it still is.

The first day of school, I saw a very pretty and fun girl talking to the other boys; she had clear eyes, kind of strawberry blond hair and a beautiful figure, very chic. I smiled to myself and thought, wow! What a personality, I could never be like that. I think I just had that thought when the girl touched my shoulder, it was Kate. "Hello, Kate Kavanagh", I smile, "Anastasia Steel" I answered, and I know that in that minute, she had already decided that we would be friends. After a whirlwind of questions, like: where? How? Who? At the end of the day I was in her apartment and was her brand new roommate". I smile just remembering her, wild and beautiful.

"I guess I'm a good friend to someone who talks up a storm, I listen better than anyone... Kate is an exceptional woman, educated in abundance, but without forgetting the essentials, what can I say John, she is my best friend. I've probably been more her confident than she of me, even though she put all her efforts on me to date and to meet boys, without success.

I remember a time in which she almost succeeded, it was Christmas and I didn't had enough money to go see my mom, so I had planned to stay in college. Of course, Kate wouldn't let me; she made a bag with a few of my things and practically kidnapped me. Her family was giving a Christmas party and she wouldn't enjoy it knowing that I was alone in our apartment; that was what she said. So she took to an exclusive boutique in Seattle and gave me her "Christmas present". It was a long dress, blue, very elegant... and tight. Then we went to her house and locked ourselves in her room to get ready. Kate was playing dolls with me! At times I was smiling foolishly and I didn't get why she was so excited. She was a little girl planning something.

When she was finished, I looked at myself in the mirror... clearly that woman looked like me, but she wasn't me, she was very elegant and beautiful.

What happened next was very uncomfortable for me. Of course at this party everyone knew each other. I had barely walked down the stairs from the second floor of Kate's home, and all eyes were on me... my cheeks flushed, and I almost fall down and went rolling downstairs. I was what everybody was looking at during the night. Kate was so kind to introduce me to her handsome brother, so I wouldn't feel alone... God! I remember the situation and blush. The guy was very attentive, a bit older than us, Ethan... we chatted animatedly all night and it was almost a perfect moment. I believed that Kate loved me so much, that she dreamed of me being part of her family, even if it was chaining me to her brother. God, what a girl she was. It was a fantastic week; I enjoyed it very much, always in terms of friendship, of course. But then we went back to school and, well, I answered a few calls, but college, exams... I didn't go out with Ethan again... but that didn't hurt us. The truth is that Kate was busy with her own love life to worry about mine.

The rest of the time I witnessed a considerable parade of boyfriends and breakups, where I support her efficiently. That's why I would have like for her to be there the day I left Christian and left Escala. She would have hugged me, together we would have cursed him and probably would've got drunk insulting Mr. Grey. But she wasn't there. Maybe she would have forced me to get up and eat, and she would have helped me not to think about him… but she wasn't there... Kate would have called José, mom, Ray and even the infantry to cheer me up and make me forget him, but she wasn't there Flynn... and now I don't know if I appreciate it or not.

The day I met Christian, she was the one who had to go to the interview. Maybe it should've happened that way. There are days when I wonder what would have happened if Kate had gone to visit the mighty Mr. Grey. Maybe she could have been that woman...". Suddenly I start laughing and Flynn looks at me puzzled. "Hahahaha! Sorry John, just imagine the idea of Kate being a submissive... Hahahaha, the truth is that this woman doesn't obey her parents; neither is she going to obey a man! Sorry. Well, in short, if Kate didn't exist, I probably would have never met Christian and we wouldn't be here".

"I understand," said Flynn and continued, "Now I'm going to say something and I'll repeat it as often as needed. Christian was a troubled young man, and in his teens he found 'something' where he could channel his energies in a positive way, kind of. Christian's sexual inclinations are not a pathology, they are a way of living, and with the full consent of both parties, there is nothing wrong with that. Christian only knew these kinds of relationships, he felt safe in them because he kept control through his dominant role. The women, who were associated with him, knew of these rules, probably many of them had sadomasochistic relationships before and knew what to expect from Christian".

"When he met you, he thought you could be that kind of woman and it was quickly proved wrong, and that, far from being a bad thing, was a new motivation for Christian. It hurt him so much when you left; he lost so much control that he was willing to change his life for you. But it's not that he gave up what he is, on the contrary, you became his new obsession. That's why he doesn't miss his 'old life', because in this new one he has with you, you give him more. I think that if talking to him doesn't help, then only time will prove me right. Ana, the important thing is that you are open to his signs. And, I think we're out of time... You can close your mouth now, Ana".

And John smiles at me. Just then I realize I have my mouth open. I close it immediately and still a little confused; I stand up and fix my dress, comb my hair with my hands and check my makeup. I look at my hand and the beautiful ring on it. How I love that man, I hope he's waiting for me, smiling as always with those beautiful and ashen eyes.

I go out, but Sawyer is the one waiting for me in the hall. "Miss Steele, Mr. Grey asked me to take you directly to Escala. He will meet you there". His voice is concerned. Shit! What happened now?. We got in the car and went quickly towards the penthouse, I look at Sawyer and ask, "Is something wrong?". "Nothing you need to worry, Miss Steele," he answered. I hate the false neutrality of his voice and say: "Come on Sawyer, I know that something's wrong, Christian doesn't miss his appointments, and less unannounced. What the hell is happening?". The poor man fidgets in his seat uncomfortable and says: "If I tell you, Mr. Grey will fire me. Anyway you'll know as soon as we get to Escala, please, Miss Steele, don't ask me to tell you again".

I don't push it, I know how Christian can be when one of his employees disobeys him, and I like Sawyer, I wouldn't want him to have problems because of me.

I get to Escala to find new security guards; they are being instructed by Taylor. As soon as he sees me he's quiet and says: "Miss Steele, Mr. Grey is waiting for you at his desk". I go in, and Mrs. Jones is busy in the kitchen, when she sees me, she pounces on me and says: "Ana, dear" and hugs me. "Go quickly to the desk". Faced with such urgency, I throw my bag and rushed into the study. Christian is with his security chief, his face tense. He sees me and walks over to me, hugging me as if his life depends on it: "Ana, my love" and kisses me on the forehead.

"What's going on Christian?". He looks at me with a tight smile and says "Ana, everything is under control, don't worry, we'll just have to be more careful..." I interrupt: "What the fuck happen Grey". He sighs and runs his hands through his hair: "We got an anonymous threat. Someone wants to kill you Ana".

* * *

**Sorry for the delay! It was my translator's fault!**


	8. The anonymous letter

**A.N.: Dear readers: I want to thank you all for your reviews and your readings. This story was thought to be 10 chapters. However, because of the good reception it's had, it will probably last a little longer. Feel free to suggest new ideas for this story and please keep reviewing.**

**The anonymous letter**

The blush leaves my cheeks, my legs are failing and my head is spinning, I'm going to pass out. Christian takes me in his arms and screams to Mrs. Jones. He laid me on the couch and moves something over my nose that makes me come back.

"I'm so sorry Ana, I shouldn't have told you this way, are you all right?".

I steady myself a little and notice all the people that have come into the study. Mrs. Jones is feeling sick; Taylor is instructing our new security… I move to a sitting position: "I'm all right now, thank you. It was just the shock. Thank you. What… What has happened? When did this arrive? Have you told the Police?". Christian puts one of his fingers on my lips, "Calm down, I'll tell you everything, don't rush".

It seems that Mrs. Jones was making dinner when a messenger arrived with the note. She received it and took it to Christian, because it had his name on it. When he got it, he found something and ask her who had brought it, because it was clear that it wasn't through the usual mail, but Mrs. Jones didn't know what to answer. While Christian tells me everything, step by step, his voice sound really worried. Once he opened it, there was a typed letter that said:

"BITCHES were born to satisfy the male's needs. When a BITCH doesn't fulfill you have to put her down and you have a frigid BITCH".

Christian looks at me and asks: "Do you know who could have written that note?". And there is just one name that comes to my mind… Jack Hyde, my former boss, my harasser, the man I turned down and who ended out of the company and bleeding… Just thinking about him makes me sick. "It seems obvious that Hyde could be the author", I answer.

"Yes, we already thought about him and we are investigating that possibility, even though it does seem pretty obvious, doesn't it? Christian says. But don't worry baby, we'll figure it out.

Of course Christian doesn't want to involve the cops. That is not the "Grey way" of doing things; and I still have that small town way of thinking, believing that police can fix everything. But, if there is something I have learned in this few weeks, is that money can solve anything.

I watch my fiancé walking graciously around the study; he is so decided, giving instructions to everyone, until we are left alone at last.

What was my last session with Flynn about? Oh right, about me not being good enough for him. And I'm also a magnet for trouble. He comes close to me and caresses my hair; I move my head into his hand and kiss his palm. "What are you thinking Ana? Everything is going to be fine" he says.

I don't want to talk, I know this is going to end badly, but he insists: "It's not fair Ana, I'm always…". I make a sing for him to stop talking. If someone wants to kill me, maybe the best is that he stays away from me… I'm dangerous for him, and it's not fair. "I think you've done a terrible deal with me. Not only I'm unable to give you what you want, but I also attract dangers to you and your family. Christian, you should leave me."

I took him by surprise and he doesn't say anything. He sits next to me, and with a serious look he takes my cold hand between his. As he does always, he takes my knuckles to his lips and kisses them; he looks at me and smiles. He looks so charming, he completely disarms me and my resolve fades. Then, he starts talking, "we are going to pretend that you didn't say that stupidity, and I'm going to tell you two things: you are everything I need and there is nothing I want more than to protect you, and that is not up for discussion… unless you want me to put you over my knees."

Those words are enough to make my body tense and throw myself at him, to kiss him, but Christian stops me, "not yet Miss Steele, first things first. We can't keep Mrs. Jones waiting, because she has suffered immeasurably preparing this meal. Let's go baby."

I stand up reluctantly and notice that I'm still a little weak after passing out. Christian notices to and holds me tight to him. We leave the study but I don't feel hungry. Could it be Hyde behind all this? What did I do to awake those feelings in that man? But probably it wasn't just me; it was all those women before me… what a pig. But why would he send the note to Christian if it's me the one he wants to harm? Sick people…

-oOo-

The days have gone in a tense calm. The only thing Christian didn't think about was hiring someone to taste my food before me. My outings have been really restricted, I feel like a grounded little girl; I'm only allowed to go from home to work, and from work to home, I haven't been able to see Flynn or even talk to Kate. I don't know how much of this I can take, even though I know it is for my own safety.

Today I read two manuscripts; one of them is so bad that I don't even know how it made it to SIP. At least I'm having fun with my reading and my meetings, I feel safe here.

A new mail appears suddenly in my inbox, I check it, but it looks like a spam, it comes from "Your Ghost". I ignore it until I read the subject: "About why I'm going to kill you". I jump in my sit and open it.

To: Anastasia Steele

From: Your Ghost

Subject: About why I'm going to kill you

I bet you are dying to know who I am. You may be surprised soon. Nice car you have, very fancy. It's so sad you haven't been able to use it… or maybe it's for the best.

I try to understand the words on the email. It's been a while since I have used my car. Christian brings me to work on his car, but something happened to it yesterday and… shit! Christian is driving my car. I dial his number on my BlackBerry but it goes straight to voice mail! God, what did Christian said he was going to do today? He never turns off his phone. Think Ana, think. This guy is writing to him to threaten me, and why did he write to me today? I look through the window in my office, SIP looks like a fortress, full of guards, I have all the security and Christian only has Taylor. A terrible thought is trying to take over my mind; what if I'm not the target of this threatens? Maybe this guy sent the anonymous to mislead us.

I grab my purse and my pone and leave the office in a hurry. Sawyer jumps to stand up and sees my panicked face. Before he says anything I scream: "Let's got to the car, I got another anonymous note on my email. Where is Taylor? I'm calling Christian and it keeps going straight to voice mail". I talk while we are moving to the parking lot. Sawyer takes his phone and dials Taylor to make sure everything is fine, but he doesn't answer either. Sawyer tries again and checks the schedule for today and says: "Miss Steele. Mister Grey has an appointment with Dr. Flynn at noon. Maybe that's why he's not answering his phone and Taylor's not with him. He went to check the problem with Mr. Grey's car, so he's by himself."

My worst fears are coming with his words… it's been just weeks since the Charly Tango incident. I tell Sawyer to take us to Flynn's office. It's a place with little security and my Christian is by himself, God please let him be okay, let him be okay, let him be okay, I repeat like a mantra.

Traffic in Seattle at noon tends to be difficult, but today it's just impossible! Come on, please move! I drum my fingers on the seat and call Flynn's office, Flynn's cell phone, but I get nothing. What's wrong with the phones today! I can't get to anyone. When we are getting close to the building, Flynn's secretary answers the phone:

"Hello, I'm Anastasia Steele, is Mr. Grey still there?

"Good afternoon Miss Steele, yes he's here, please hold on a second.

Thank God he's fine. I take a deep breathe. "I'm sorry Miss, I didn't get to reach him and he's already on his way down on the elevator". I thank her and end the phone call, just when we are turning on the street and I see the entrance of the building. Then I see him coming through the door and I get down from the car and take out running to him.

I see my car coming from the parking lot of the building, there's a boy driving it, probably the valet parking. I take off my shoes to run faster and I scream his name, but he doesn't listen to me, he doesn't see me. Please don't get in the car I pray. Suddenly he looks up and sees me. He sees my panicked face and everything happens in five seconds. He tells the boy to take the car away and runs to me, the moment his arms are around me, the boy starts the car and we hear a deafening sound. We look at the car and it's caught up in flames. Sawyer jumps to protect us, but Christian sends him to check on the boy. He looks really hurt, but he's alive. I'm shaking like a leaf. Christian grabs my phone and makes some calls. In just a couple of minutes they are all here, the cops, the firemen, Taylor and the press.

We leave to Escala. We are fine, we are whole. Christian hugs me like if he could lose me. I'm cold, still in shock… "What happened Ana? Why did you come?" he asks. I show him the email and tell him about what I figured out… But thinking about it, I never thought the threat was immediate. At least the cops are involved now, and the family. We are all over the news, so now I have to call mom and Ray, to tell them we are fine and the Grey are on their way.

Suddenly I smile, I saved him, I made it. He looks at me, a little surprised and asks: "What's with the smile? I love seeing you smile but perhaps this is not the… right moment". I look at him seriously and say: "I have lost you two times, when I left you and when the helicopter fell, I wasn't going to let myself suffer again… and I made it… I saved you". Christian takes me and sits me in his lap; he hugs me and hides his face in my hair, and kisses me.

We are already in Escala and Taylor has checked everything. The security cameras on the building and from Flynn's office are lost and there's going to be a strong investigation upon us.

A little later Mia, Grace and Kate come into the apartment. They hug us; Grace scolds Christian for letting down his guard. Kate congratulates me for my insight and Mia just keeps hugging us. Mrs. Jones is already cooking for the army we are going to be in a few.

While the day keeps going, I congratulate myself and pat my own shoulder: I saved him, I still don't know from whom, but I did it. The only thing that tarnishes my joy is the knowledge that this isn't finished. First Charly Tango, now the car, this has become ugly. Police says that the explosive device manufacturing was extremely rudimentary, but efficient. Even the national security got involved, this is almost terrorism. But who did it? Who?.

A bunch of people has come and go from Escala. Grace went back to the hospital, but Kate and Mia stayed with me. Christian seems worried, getting calls and telling step by step what went down today. The cops track the email I got and, of course it was sent from a public computer. It was located in a library, and that's probably the best clue we have. They are asking for the security cameras to see if we can recognize someone. The also left us a homework, to make a list of all our potential enemies.

It's nighttime when we are finally alone. It's been a long day and we have barely hugged. Christian comes close to me, with that sexy look that kills me. I look back at him and then drop my eyes. I feel my cheeks blushing and it's because of the look in his eyes. He grabs me by my waist and sits me on the kitchen counter. He sinks his face on my breasts and breathes me in deep. He kisses my cleavage and caresses my cheeks. "You look like you run a lot to save someone's life" he says. I smile, I'm truly tired of all this feelings. "Let's take a bath" he says and moves us to the bathroom.

The hot water, the shower gel, his naked body and his scars. I stopped him form getting another one today. He takes of my clothes quickly and kisses my back slowly. He ties my hair, pulling it up, leaving my neck exposed for his tongue. He nips my neck softly and turns me to face me. I feel his crotch and know he is ready.

"I'm going to fuck you hard, I think we both need it" he warns me and tells me to get in the water facing him. He takes the band in my hair and ties my hands with it on my back; his tongue is moving all over my body, making circles around my navel and going down. He stops at my hips and bites them softly. Then he spread my legs and moves the shower head close to my clit. He touches my clit with his skilled fingers and then uses the shower head hard. I fell my whole body tensing, it's a delicious feeling the hot shower hitting my sex. Suddenly he takes off the shower head and uses his mouth, sucking my clit hard, it's almost painful, it's exciting and I'm so close to come. "Come on baby, say my name, say you like it" he says. I obey him and shudder once I hit my orgasm.

After I ride my orgasm he unties my hands. "Turn around Ana and hold tight to the edge of the bathtub. Don't let go or you are going to hurt yourself" he orders. He spreads my legs from behind and pulls them up to his hips. His hard cock pushes in without notice, and he fucks me wildly and hard, and we start moaning. Our bodies shake and my hands hurt from holding tight to the edge. Each pounce is harder and he gets deeper and deeper; I sweat and I hold my breath, I know there's a new pleasure explosion coming, I scream his name at the same time he reaches his climax, and then he falls over me.

Everything is fine now. Christian dries my hair. I love it… then we go to our room, "straight to bed, you've had a terrible day" he says. "I disagree with you Mr. Grey, I had a terrific day, I saved the life of the most wonderful man in the world", I answer.

"Still my hero, you must rest", he insists. "Aren't you coming" I ask disappointed. "No" he says, "I need to do the homework the cops left us". "You said it right Mr. Grey" I say, "We must do it together".

-"Don't be ridiculous Ana"

-"Come on Christian, what about Hyde?"

"Name someone else Ana… See? I already have Jack Hyde write down. Me instead… I've had sordid sexual relationships with 15 other women, there's also Elena and her husband, who surely hates me, and so on. I can show it to you tomorrow if you want, so you can complete it… and freak out with it. Now sleep Ana."

-oOo-

I feel hot when I wake up. Christian is lying next to me sleeping. It's six in the morning. In a while the clock is going to sound and it will all begin. I caress his strong arm and kiss him, and then I go back to sleep.

Christian wakes me up later with a soft kiss. He's dress like a sexy billionaire, God he's hot. I could undress him right now. "Come on" he says, "there's a list we have to check. Get dress and meet me for breakfast", and then he leaves.


	9. The Grey way

**The Grey way**

I was still feeling hot when I took a quick shower, and then went to face my closet. What would be appropriate to wear today? Yesterday I ended my day running barefoot to save my boyfriend's life; I wonder what adventures await for me today? I think about it and smile, a bit unaware of the danger but once I took notice, I chastise myself. Come on Ana, you are a cautious woman. I sigh and finally pick my clothes, black slacks, a white sheer shirt and black pumps that match, very chic.

I leave the dresser and go to the kitchen for my breakfast. Christian smiles and nods at me to sit next to him. "Eggs and bacon Ana, or would you like something lighter?" Mrs. Jones asks. "Eggs and bacon is fine Mrs. Jones, thank you". I'm not done talking when my breakfast is already on the table with a coffee cup for Christian and Twinning's tea for me. Christian grabs his coffee and gives me a piece of paper.

Did I say a piece of paper? I should say the Bible. On it there's a list of every possible enemy he could have, their contact information and their possible motives, which go from "unsatisfied former lover" to "bought his family business and ruined him", there's even a "he doesn't like me to beat him in golf". This man really has enemies.

He looks at me seriously, watching every expression on my face: "what?" I ask. "Is it now when you leave me and run for the hills?" he says it cautiously trying to figure out if I'm shocked enough to leave him or if I' staying.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not going anywhere? Christian we are getting married in a couple of weeks, I'm not running even though your list it's kind of intimidating". I try to sound calm, but the truth is I'm horrified. I smile when he hugs me: "You can't lie Miss Steele, but I appreciate that you tried to hide you shock. It's not that bad once you read all the names and their motives, there are some really old names and some with very little reasons, but I put them all there, so we don't forget anyone".

I look at the list and read every name and motive carefully… something is missing, someone is missing… but I still don't know who. Christian notices my hesitation and looks at me questioning. Suddenly I find out what I'm missing, and like a school girl proud of having done her homework I say: you forget the third husband" and smile satisfied.

-oOo-

I'm not going to SIP today, the press is stalking us and we agreed to meet with the cops, but because of "the Grey way", we are able to make the cops come to our apartment instead of us going to the station. Christian has already sent them our list and we agreed to meet in an hour. We assume that being a billionaire safety at risk, things will go quickly and smoothly. But, while the time comes and we deal with our errands and the investigation of the attack, I focus on reading a couple of manuscripts that Hanna has gently sent me home to keep me "entertained".

Around noon our apartment is full of men in blue suits while Mrs. Jones runs around offering coffee and cookies. The meeting will be in our living room this time; we are too many to fit in the study. The first thing will be to check the security cameras from Flynn's office.

I ask about the boy that was driving my car. Thank God he is fine, and of course Christian is paying for the best hospital and the best doctors and therapies he may need. The boy will be okay and he will also have a "Grey" allowance for life.

The cameras in Flynn's office are clean, there's nothing suspicious. Then we check the cameras from Escala, while the Police explain that the bomb in the car was activated through a cell phone, just like those bombs in on trains in Spain on 2004, which left hundreds of people killed and injured. Thank God there were fewer explosives in this bomb. Probably the person that is threatening us was just looking to scare us or was an amateur.

On the cameras from Escala we see the garage door open to allow a delivery truck come in. Before the door close again, a man slides into the building. He waits till there's nobody near to go to my car. He opens the trunk quickly and puts a little package inside. How did he make it without turning on the alarm? Everybody is looking at me. Right, I never put the alarm or en lock the car, ever. Christian looks at me furious but doesn't say anything, surely he will chastise me later.

Even though, the tape doesn't show a body or a face that we can recognize. We are still blind. The next steps are check the enemies list Christian gave them and check their credit cards report to see if they bought anything suspicious, very FBI. The next meeting will be at the end of the day. The cops leave and I wait resigned for my reprimand. There's a long and uncomfortable silence between us. I reach for Christian, but he is cold and distant, I move back to my sit and keep waiting.

"Do you know what this means Ana? Your recklessness put us all in danger, shit! It's a button, just one fucking button that you have to press, how can that be so hard?"

"That wasn't necessary where I come from" I answer.

"But you live in a big city now and there's a psychopath sending you anonymous threats, does that seem enough?"

"Manners don't change in a day Christian."

"But this has been going on for more than a day Ana, you should have learnt something about safety already, don't you think? There's an innocent kid hurt in the hospital and the worst is that it could have been you."

"Or you" I say casting my eyes down. It's true; I've put us all in danger again. But Christian won't let this go.

"I'm sorry Ana, but we'll have to see what to do with your car, you won't be driving for now."

"But…"

"I don't want to keep fighting Ana.

"Fine, but I'm not the one with over a hundred possible enemies, am I? It's not my fault!"

"No, it's not your fault, but you won't be driving and won't be in charge of your car until we can fix all this."

Furious I grab my purse and charge to the elevator. "Where do you think you are going?" Christian asks.

"To see Flynn" I answer before the elevator door closes.

I'm waiting by the car for Prescott or Sawyer, whichever Christian may send. I don't want to cause any more trouble. Sawyer comes running and sees me next to the car. He checks it and then opens the door for me. I'm thankful of the love Christian has for cars today, because mine is destroyed and his isn't working. At least I don't have to look for a cab. We drive quickly to Flynn's office, avoiding the press once we leave Escala.

Just as I enter Flynn's office, his secretary jumps from her desk and hugs me: "Oh, Miss Steele, please forgive my boldness, but what happened yesterday was so horrible. The boy, the doorman, he is my nephew, you know? I'm so thankful of Mr. Grey and what he's doing for him. He will get better." God, just what I needed for my daily guilt trip, the doorman is her nephew. I smile kindly at her without knowing what to say, while she opens the door to Flynn's study.

"Good morning Ana" he says, "I thought that I wouldn't be seeing you today, with all that happened yesterday".

"Well, I needed somewhere to run away from all this madness and what would be better than talking with my favorite shrink". My phrase is loaded with grim melancholy.

"Ok Ana, have a sit. In our last session we talked about Kate, her friendship, her influence in your life, and your vision about being enough for Christian. How are you today? A lot has being going on."

"And to be honest, nothing encouraging John. It was my fault that the bomb was inside my car; I left it unlocked, that's how they could put it there without someone noticing. Besides the threats, they are all for me… this has been exhausting".

"Ana, leaving a car unlocked it's not reason enough for you to feel guilty. Whoever is doing this will find the way to come close, no matter what you do."

"But I was reckless, so I can get comfort from your words John. I can't understand how someone so young can have so many enemies, so many people trying to hurt him. I know that the people who love him are probably more but… I don't know. It's so weird. I think I could count with my fingers the people I had talk over 15 minutes in my life, and with both hands which are the ones that would remember me. Having so many people thinking about you, about what you do or don't, it's disturbing, I don't know how someone lives like this, always worried, about everything and everyone. But maybe Christian doesn't and that's way he has gain more enemies than friends."

Flynn looks at me and takes some notes, the he says: "How did you reach that conclusion Ana?"

"Well, the cops asked us to make a list with everyone we think may want to hurt us. In my list there are only two names Jack Hyde and the third husband, and none of them is truly my fault. See? I didn't fired Jack Hyde, or ruined the third husband's life. I was a victim of both of them. But not Christian, he couldn't let go of things, he couldn't forget. The thing with the third husband was so many years ago, but Christian, looking for revenge, found him and hurt him; he did it legally, but hurt him anyway. Those things about Christian confuse me. His unorthodox methods.

"Why do you think Christian does those things? Do you think he is a bad person Ana?"

"Of course not Flynn. God! Christian is not a bad person. That's what I don't understand, why he acts like that. He changes all the time, he is insecure sometimes and lapidary in others. He confuses, I never know how he's going to react… but he's not a bad person. Not someone who wants to end with the hunger in the world."

I look at my hands, white and cold. Maybe it has something to do with his childhood, with his need to search revenge from what he suffered when he was little. His super hero complex puts him in the spotlight for everyone to see.

"Look John, I think it all has to do with Christian's need to be this super hero that revenge all the injustices. Clearly that's related to the horrible things he lived as a child. He fights for fair causes, but he's also a cold businessman that buys and sells companies. I know it's not an unethical behavior, he never leaves unemployed someone that doesn't deserve it. He also rescues talented people, doesn't he? That's "the Grey way" of doing things."

"The Grey way?"

"Oh yes. Do you want me to tell you the commandments?.. Mmm…

I control everything

I can solve anything

Everybody comes to me and they obey

Without feelings there's no problems

If I can use it I keep it, if not I throw it

If it's not fair I'll make it

If it's bad I'll fix it

If it's safe it's good, if not I'll hire more guards

I'll help whoever has done me good

Family above all

Do you like it?"

"Very clever Ana; though I don't think Christian will like some of those commandments".

"But that's how I see it John. If he hasn't everything under control he's unstable, even insufferable. I get that's because of his past, but sometimes he goes too far."

The sound of the phone on his desk startles me. Flynn answers quickly, that's unusual. I only hear monosyllables from him, like "mmm, yes, mmm I understand, how? oh yes", but I can get who's he talking to. Finally he hangs up.

"Ana, do you know what the FBI's tags are?" I shake my head, I don't know what he's talking about. "Well, when someone makes some strange things on internet or buys suspicious things, they make some tags on the FBI's files. They use them to detect possible terrorist attacks or bombings. Well… They cross checked the FBI's tags with the names on Christian list and their credit card´s records, and they already know who put the bomb in the car. Christian is now on his way."

I look at him with my mouth hanging open. "Who is it John?" I ask.

"Christian asked me to keep you here, and to not let you go. He didn't told me who it is?"

And now what do we talk about? What _where we_ talking about? About the control freak that fixes everything his own way? So I'm not supposed to move from here? Does that mean that the killer knows me best than he knows Christian, or is it just his overprotective instinct? God, what a way to interrupt my session.

I look at Flynn seriously, "you won't tell him about the commandments, right?" "Of course not", Flynn's winks at me. "This is between you and me, even though I do think it would be fun if you told Christian, but not today, clearly."

I'm about to have my hands in a knot when the door opens. The hardness in his eyes is gone, but I can't figure out what replace it. It's not fear, but his look is grey and dark. He reaches me and hugs me, he sinks is face in my hair.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry, so so sorry, please forgive, it's not your fault" he says.

"Who is it Christian?"

He grabs my face in his warm hands and kisses my forehead: "It's… the third husband".


	10. Forgiveness

**Forgiveness**

God, the third husband! I try to remember his face, but I'm not sure if he is still the way I remember him… It's been so many years.

Christian takes my hands and sits next to me in Flynn's office. He tells me that right now, the FBI must be arresting him because they already found him. The FBI scanned all the purchases from the last weeks and discovered that the third husband had bought a cell phone and fireworks, which ensemble in the right way, could become explosives. Besides he crossed half the country to Seattle, even though he didn´t have any friends or family here. They are just waiting for his confession.

I feel a lump in my throat and my stomach hurts. Will I have to see him? The memories of that time come fresh to my mind: "you clumsy old bird"… I hear it in my mind again and again, but suddenly it's Christian's stressed voice the one I hear next to me: "Ana, Ana come on... God, are you ok? I seems like I have become an expert for bad news and I still don't know how to give them properly."

Flynn is gone. I smile and he hugs me, I know he's waiting for me to say something. "I was remembering that man, but I can't get his face… just his voice, calling me an ugly and awkward old bird. I think I should call my mom, she won't like this."

I try to stand but Christian's arms are holding me tight, he pulls me closer and I feel his breath on my left cheek and his smell fills me and intoxicates me. Then I hear his confident and soothing voice: "I'll never let anybody hurt you Ana. I swear" and he says it with his eyes clad on mine, and there is so much certainty on them that I can't doubt it.

Flynn has come back with a glass of water and a pill. He gives it to me: "take it, it will make you good" he says. "I don't want anything that makes me feel sleepy Flynn. I need to be more alert than ever" I answer. "Well, if you are feeling good, then go ahead dear, have a good day."

We leave Flynn's office and the press is waiting for us. But, because of the "Grey way" Christian doesn't let the press disturb his private life. However, he says something to Taylor and an improvised press stand appears at the building's exit. I thank god for my luck and the sense of style of Christian's personal shopper. Of course he doesn't let go of me. With his usual style, he stands in front of the microphones and smiles:

"Good afternoon ladies and gentleman of the press. As always I appreciate your permanent eehhmmm… concern about my life. I guess you already know that yesterday my fiancée Miss Steele and I were victims of a bomb attack by the hands of a crazy man. Today we can rest assure, because the Seattle Police and the FBI have done an excellent job as usual, and have caught the attacker. Miss Steele and I are very thankful of their job. We hope to be quiet and not give you anymore news in the future. Thank you very much and good afternoon."

As quickly as it began, it ended. Once inside the car I remember that I had forgotten how to breathe. Christian looks at me and smiles: "Thank god Miss Steele, I was about to call 911, I thought you wouldn't breathe again." His laugh is full of fun and mischief inside the car. I breathe relieved, one less ghost in my life… I think…

Already in Escala, the blue suits surround us. Mrs. Jones repeats the scene from the morning, gliding through the people, refilling coffee cups and offering snacks. The chief of police gives us the details of the detentions. The third husband knew they were going for him and didn't resist. He asked them to give me a note that the cop has now in his hands. They opened it, thinking it could be more threats, but they were confused with the message. They gave it to me and I read it before Christian could help it. It said: "From clumsy old bird to a soft Bonnie, well done".

I crumpled the note and the next thing I remember are voices screaming. I pass out again for Christ sakes! Since I've known Christian Grey I have passed out more times than in my whole life.

Maybe it was the shock, his writing and those horrible words, that awful memory. It felt like having him right in front of me at 15. But I'm not 15 anymore for God's sakes!

I'm in the sofa again and Mrs. Jones runs with a little bottle and a glass: "that's it Anastasia, you are going to bed now", Christian orders. I don't argue. I need to talk with my mom. He takes me in his arms and carries me to the room. I don't like it because I can walk, but I'm not strong enough to fight him. I hate people thinking I'm a weak impressionable little girl… but of course, this is what I've been lately.

Mrs. Jones brings me a cup of Twinning's tea and some snacks. The day has gone flying, and between one thing and another I haven't eaten anything since breakfast. I stir my tea and decide to call my mom. As things are going, the story will be in the news in little time. I must warn her. I dial…

- "Hello, mom?"

- "Ana, sweetheart. How are you? What's wrong?"

- "Mom, they caught the guy that tried to blew us"

- "Who is it? Was it one of Christian's enemies?"

- "No… Yes… well, not exactly"

- Explain it Ana, what is going on?"

- It's a new enemy of Christian… Someone you and I know really well… it's the third husband"

She doesn't seem to understand at the beginning, but then I can feel her shock trough the phone. There's a long silence. I have to explain her everything, what's been happening with Flynn, my therapy… I tell her how I had to relive that story, that I told Christian and that he track the guy all across the country to ruin him. My mom is in shock… I think the past hit her too.

-oOo-

I look at myself in the mirror one more time, I tame my hair; put some eye shadow and lip-gloss. In just a few weeks I've been victim of anonymous threats, a hero and an impressionable little girl. Today I'm facing my ghosts. I'll see the third husband. Of course this meant a big fight with Christian, but this time I wasn't going to give. There was just one thing I could say to convince him and I know I did it at the worst moment of the fight. When I thought I was going to lose I said: "If your mother was alive and you could see her, wouldn't you do it? I need to face my past so I can leave it behind and become a better person. For me… and for you. We deserve this.

I'm still surprise by the arguments of my fight, but it's true, I need to see that man's face and let him know that he couldn't destroy me. That I'm a grown smart woman, and that I'm loved, besides my insignificance. A gangly and awkward old bird, but loved.

As always, Christian is waiting for me at the breakfast table. He finally accepted to let me go to see the third husband, but he's going with me. The "Grey way" doesn't allow that much freedom. At least I'm going. I'll see him. What am I going to tell him? I think about it while I drink my tea slowly and reluctantly chew a cookie that Christian forced me to eat. God, my stomach is churning and I feel as nervous as if I was 15 again.

We leave Escala on our way to the station, and thank God, there's no press waiting for us. However, the security still is the same, not everything is solved yet. Christian thinks that the third husband isn't the only one trying to hurt us these days.

We leave with Taylor and Sawyer in the car. Christian fixes my seatbelt and holds my face in his hands; he kisses me tenderly on the lips and smiles. That charming confident smile that makes me melt. I put my head on his shoulder, and I think I sleep a little because Christian shakes me and tells me softly that we arrived. I take a deep breath and wait for Sawyer to open my door.

I fix my clothes, pick my purse and walk the stairs, one step at the time. I'm holding Christian hand, and Sawyer and Taylor are walking behind us. Just before opening the door at the police station Christian pulls me and stands in front of me. He looks me in the eyes, with that dark and hard stare. I have no doubt that this doesn't make him happy … "You don't have to do it Ana", he says. "You are wrong; I have to do it Christian." I let go of his arm and open the door.

Christian and the guards follow me. I realized that I've never been in a place like this. The smell is awful, the place isn't very clean. There's people sleeping in the benches and they must be drunk, because they don't wake up, even with all the noise.

After a little conversation, they move us to a room where we'll meet him. It's just Christian and I, the guys stayed in the hall. I wring my hands again and again; I feel the weight of Christian's arm on my shoulders. God, that soothes me. Just when I feel ready to see him, the door opens.

The man I remember doesn't look like this… at all… his eyes are tired, he is weak and… has he shrunk? That's impossible! But if a grew up and I'm not 15 anymore, he can't hit me easily.

-"Good morning Ana"

-"Miss Steele" Christian says

-"Oh, but old friends don't treat each other like that, right sweetheart? " the third husband says and I feel Christian's muscles tense, but I take his hand and squeeze softly

-"You can call me however you want. I'm not here to discuss about formalities. As you can see, I grew up, I'm not 15 anymore"

-"And the years have made you beautiful Ana"

-"Shut up asshole." Christian says

-"If you can't control yourself I'm going to have to ask you to leave Christian." My voice surprises me; I look like a confident woman. "You listen to me, I'm not 15 anymore, your insults and defamatory doesn't hurt me anymore"

-"You never understood, right Ana?"

-"What do you mean?"

-"I was in love with you Anastasia, of a delicious little woman, smart and beautiful, but too blind… And everything I did was to avoid my feelings for you. I was sick and been away from you and your mother heal me… the things got out of hands, and wanting you was stronger than my rationality. I thought that if I made you afraid it would be easier… I don't know, make fall in love with me."

Christian and I are listening to his confession dumbfounded. This man is crazy.

-"Then, this man comes and ruins my life. It wasn't so hard to figure out that you were together and… well, I think my sickness came back… I saw you on some pictures in the newspaper and it wasn't necessary to read your name to know it was you, and that you had become a wonderful woman… I thought if I destroy you I wouldn't be able to live in peace. But then I thought that if I destroyed him, I could come looking for you, and…"

-"I don't want to hear you anymore, you are crazy and I didn't come here to listen to your ramblings. I want to tell you that, after all this time… I forgive you, I forgive you for everything you did to me and, really, I hope you get well and disappear of our lives, because I won't spend another minute of my life thinking about you. Have a good day."

That been said, Christian and I walk towards the exit. His words still resonate in my head. Flynn was right; he was in love with me. God, what a sick man, I was a child. I don't know how, but we are already in the car and Christian watches me quietly. I feel his restless stare. I know he is dying to know about it, but he doesn't, and I'm thankful for that second of respect for my mental privacy.

We get stuck in a traffic jam. Christian holds my hands softly, waiting for me to talk. I'll do it.

"Do you know what that meant to me? I came to forgive that man, to leave behind a story that was really hard for me, but I wasn't expecting something like that… Al my life I grew up thinking I was an ugly and clumsy old bird, because he made me believe it. And today, I figure out it wasn't like that."

"It's confusing, I know… but in that room at the station, I also left behind that gangly old bird. And now in front of you, there's a new Anastasia Steele."


	11. The Dance with Dr Flynn

**The Dance with Dr. Flynn**

"Welcome Anastasia, please, take a seat. You look different."

"I feel different John. Everything that has happened these last weeks has been really hard for me. First was Leila, then the thing with Hyde and his sexual harassment… I think I never told you about him… then Christian's accident; the damn Mrs. Robinson; all the drama with the third husband… Jesus, never in my life has happened so many things like in these weeks. But everything has made me stronger and now I know that if I have to fight for the ones I love, I will do it. I think I have never been in this situation… I was always protected, in my own little world, seeing my life move on before my eyes. Today I feel the star of my life, of my dreams". I say this calmly, and very confident of myself, as confident as I never thought I would be.

Flynn watches me and takes some notes. He looks at them and throws me a question. "Why do you think Christian loves you Ana?"

_Touché. _This man really knows how to complicate my life. My subconscious sharpens her fangs. That's a tough question for the old Ana, the one before Christian… I smile and get comfortable in my seat while I make my subconscious retreat.

"I imagine this has to do with our first date or the first time we met. Am I right John?" He nods smiling. I make another question: "What did you think of me the first time you met me?" John answers quickly and without a doubt, "that Christian was right, that you were a beautiful and very special woman."

"It still is hard for me to understand that people can find my attractive. Don't take me wrong, I know I'm not ugly, but I lived many years feeling like an old and ugly bird, thanks to the third husband. However, now I know that for some miracle that I can't comprehend, Christian Grey, the most eligible bachelor in Seattle, loves me just as I am. I always focused on being smart, not beautiful. You know how I've tried to be invisible, but it's clear I didn't make it. Christian's love showed it to me the day of the charity ball."

"God, so many things happened, but the auction was by far the most humiliating thing I've have to endure in my whole life. I have only felt that exposed at José's exhibit, with all those giant pictures of me hanging in the gallery. I don't really know if I wanted to be won by Christian…"

"You don`t know?"

"It's not just that. Yes, I wanted him to be my first dance, but I didn't want him expending so much money on it. That's why I hated you a little when you upped the bet John. I don't know how to dance, and less with someone that isn't Christian. I was so scared. Besides I didn't know who you were or what did you want; and what was just a fun game for you, for me it was a torture… Those were the longest five minutes I can remember, ever".

"For your consolation, if it wasn't me, some other naïve man would have tried to win your first dance. Anyway… I remember how tense you were that day. Clearly you were uncomfortable; you don't need to tell me that… And what if the ball was today? What do you think would happen Ana?"

"That's a good question… I don't know. The view I have of life today is different. Everything was wrong at that party. We had just broken up; Christian took me to Mrs. Robinson's Salon while she was there. There was also Mia's dumb friend looking at me and judging me, and I didn't know anyone besides the Grey family. Today, with Mrs. Robinson out of our lives, with everything that has happened… Well, I think I would feel more confident and maybe I would even enjoy that moment, instead of being ashamed. But it's hard to think about things that haven't happened."

"Ah… but they will! Don't forget that the charity ball is an annual party."

"True" I answer and remain quiet. So many things change that night, the most important of all, the break in Grace and Mrs. Robinson friendship. We have overcome so much this moths.

"OK Ana, I would like to see you one more time. That would be our last session. I think the work we have done has help you tremendously and today you are a woman more confident about yourself, about your feelings and about what you incite in others. I know that this hasn't been just because of therapy and that what Christian and you have gone through has helped a lot. On our next session, I will give you what we call 'restoration', which is what you will have to keep working on."

"I suppose I can come to see you sometime if I need it?"

"Ana, this isn't good bye, but yes. You can always count with me."

-oOo-

**_Weeks ago at the charity ball_**

**Flynn POV**

She looks distinguished, nice figure, very proportionate. I believe Christian has made a beautiful choice. I watch the lady that's accompanying my dear patient, Mr. Grey. I have seen how this girl has made more progress with him in days, than me in years of therapy. I'm dying to meet her; even though I know he is afraid of us being alone, he thinks I may tell her things from our sessions. This young people don't understand how serious professional secrecy is, but of course, if I was in his or her shoes… I would be worried too.

I have been looking at Anastasia for a while… she seems so sweet, but sexy at the same time. She's a beautiful contradiction. Now I understand how she has Christian so out of his mind and so confused that he changed his view on life. I hope she is in the auction, I promised Christian that her first dance will be with me, but I'm sure he's going to try to stop me.

-oOo-

-"Christian, where is your lovely girl? I can't believe you left her alone, I'll see if I find her around, I'm dying to meet her"

-"Don't even dream about it Flynn, I haven't left her alone, Mia took her to the bathroom, but soon I will go to her rescue…"

-"To lose her again in my arms. I'm willing to pay a lot for her dance"

-"Not as much as I am, Flynn; and I don't think your wife will like you spending money on girls you don't know"

-"Huhh! She knows it's for a good cause" – Christian looks at me puzzled- "Of course man, it's to meet your new therapist. If she keeps going like this, she is going to leave me without a job real soon"

-"So that's what you are afraid of? Oh Flynn, there's still so much to do before that. Your pocket can remain in peace because I will keep filling it with money every month, at least for a while"

-"Hahahaha, I'm very thankful of your generosity Mr. Grey, but don't forget… I still want a dance with that woman."

-oOo-

Poor girl, she looks as if she is naked in front of this entire people and you can't even see her face. She wrings her hands as if that's going to save her. It' may sound cruel, but it's kind of funny. I look at Christian and he can't take his eyes away from her. Clearly he is not happy to have her exposed in front of so many people.

I think it's time to test his tolerance and Anastasia's resistance. I hear her name being called and I'm ready to bet for her, always after Christian, of course. The bidding starts and after four bets she already made it to $100.000… That's a spending I'm not willing to make, and less for a woman that it's not mine. Much to my regret, Grey wins, but he will have to let me dance with her anyway. Not even all the money in the world it's going to save him from that.

-oOo-

Very well, here we go. Christian reluctantly said yes, and he'll let me dance with her, but Anastasia doesn't look like she really want's to dance with me either. She seems surprised when she finds out I'm Christian psychiatrist. She pictured me older, and even though she doesn't say it, probably bald. I like this girl, but her insecurity is as overwhelming as her beauty. Maybe I should give her an appointment with me. Oh, stop it Flynn, don't try to fix everyone's psyche, with Grey you have enough.

I can't stop thinking about how confusing her signals are. She's undoubtedly beautiful, but thinks of herself as ugly as a troll. It's weird; she looks like a scared little creature, but answers me with sharpness and thinks of me as a quack. I like that, she's honest, and clearly, she's no submissive. Thank God Christian could see that. It would be a shame if he would've lost this extraordinary young girl.

Christian cuts in and takes her away, but I don't object, I know I will see her again, sooner rather than later, she has a lot to figure out.


	12. The farewell

**The farewell**

I take a sit and caress my belly. It's been a long time since my last visit to Flynn.

I smile to myself and think that maybe I should have given Hanna a list of the appointments that couldn't be moved, like Dr. Green and the good doctor Flynn. But it's been months and my life has changed enormously. Now I'm Mrs. Grey, a survival of multiple kidnap and murder attempts, plus, unexpectedly pregnant with little blip, that really soon it's going to start moving inside of me.

Besides all the time that has passed, I need to see Flynn; I need to receive his "restoration" and my discharged… I also think that I'll be able to make a few questions about Christian becoming a father.

I look at myself in the mirror and smile, I'm not showing yet, but I know you're there and that you fell how nervous I am about going to see John. I finish primping carefully, a little blush, mascara and lip gloss. Yes, I'm ready.

"Mrs. Grey you look lovely" says Christian with a soft voice. I know what his tone means, but he won't stop me, I have to go to see Flynn and finish my sessions… How many has it been… 10?"

"You too Mr. Grey. You never disappoint me". Christian stands and turns gracefully. He comes close to kiss me. I respond but not as intense, so he can notice that we are not going back to bed, not now, at least.

"What's wrong baby?"

"Nothing love, it's just that I know where your kisses are taking me and I have an appointment with Flynn in a couple of minutes." He looks surprised and his eyes are full of fear. Here we go again. God, this is really exhausting.

"Christian, if you keep looking at me like that every time I'm going to Flynn, I'll have to change my therapist. It's just one more appointment and I hope it will be the last one and that John will consider all my childhood trauma overcome, or at least diminished."

Christian smiles relieved. He hugs me and sits next to me on the kitchen counter. Lately I'm so hungry, that I devour with no mercy my pancakes with syrup, eggs and bacon and a glass of orange juice. The tea I take it in a mug, because I'm running late.

I rush out and Sawyer joins me. Christian hasn't let go of all the extra security. It doesn't matter that the bastard of Hyde is in jail for life; there'll always be someone trying to hurt him, and with that, hurting me.

I think about it while we're going down on the elevator towards the car. I walk pass my R8, that I would love to drive, but thing haven't been easy these last few weeks, so I won't tempt fate. Sawyer opens the door for the SUV and I slide on the back seat resigned.

I'm glad Christian didn't fired Luke after what happened with Hyde. He's a good man and I like him. Even though I know it's his job, I also know that his concern about me is real and that is really touching. Maybe I should have been more thoughtful with him that day. I'll keep it in mind, though I really hope I don't have to go through that again. Without noticing, we are already parking at Flynn's office and Sawyer opens my door again, so I can get down.

"Welcome Mrs. Grey" said the receptionist. I answer with a cordial "good morning" and immediately go to Flynn's office, who is waiting me with open arms ¿a hug?

"Dear Ana, I'm so glad you are here." I answer his hug even though I'm a little surprised with his closeness… well it's been some time and a lot of tragedies.

"Hello John, thanks for this welcome, but instead of hugging you, I would punch you"! John looks at me surprised, we could even say a little mouth gaping. "Where were you the night my husband called you and you didn't answer?" He seems to understand and smiles.

"Ah! It's that! Well, the truth Ana, is that there are moments when a man won't answer his phone, and it won't matter if it's the president calling… or his owner" he says and winks at me… "But take a seat, please. What can I help you with?"

"Oh… John, I believed we left something unfinished a couple of months ago and, well… yes, I would like your opinion on the matter… ehhh mmm…"

"I imagine it's about the baby, Ana. But let's go one thing at the time. The truth is that we had just one appointment left, a little bit formal one, where I would have given you some tips to keep your self-esteem and childhood issues in line. But keeping in mind what happened in these lasts months, I can tell you that I'm shocked by your fortitude, even though I know you are a strong woman with a great resilience, as yourself said at some point. And I believed that quality of yours it's crucial for you relationship with Christian, and you have proved it.

"About your own problems, just as you said it last time we saw, today you are a different woman that knows why and for whom to fight for…"

"Finally, I think that everyone who knows Christian is thankful that your friend got sick the day of the interview." Flynn laughs while I'm shocked by his good memory… good heavens! It's been months since I told him that story.

"Can I discharge me then?"

"Well, you've never been really sick… you know that, right? You just needed some sessions to… mmm, look closely to some things about yourself. On that note, our sessions were helpful, because there aren't things hidden about you. That's very rewarding for a psychiatrist. And as always, you must remember to look at yourself in the mirror and see the wonderful woman you are"

"Yes, and probably I should also look at my husband and remember how he was when I met him and how he is now. The change is… awesome"

"Yes, and it's all because of you. I've told you a hundred of times, in just a few months you made more than a lot of people like me in years. The happiness that's coming for you is well deserved…"

"Is the happiness really coming for us John?"

"You ask like if you doubt it"

"Yeah, well… Christian's reaction wasn't… how I can say this..?"

"He was crude, cruel and did not think about anyone but him…" -I look at him shocked, it's like if he was there- "well, he has a strong temperament, loves control and planning, and this baby wasn't planed. His reaction could have been bad because of this, but trust me, there is no man that reacts well to an unplanned pregnancy. Some men are more discreet than others, that's for sure, but the feeling is the same: betrayal. It's stupid, I know, but we, men, are a little stupid."

"I have a question for you Ana. Did Christian talk to you about interrupting the pregnancy?"

"No"

"And why do you think he didn't talk about it, if he was so furious? These things have a way of being solved, especially in the first stages of pregnancy, till the 12th week, to be precise."

"I don't know… I hadn't thought about it John." My stomach tightens when I think about my little blip. Maybe I should talk about it with Christian; I'm not 12 weeks yet… God, no I couldn't, I couldn't kill you, and I already feel like a mother, even though I haven't feel you move inside me. My blip; my little and helpless blip. My eyes are full with tears when I look at John again.

"I'll allowed myself share this theory with you, Ana. As I've already told you, Christian, just like many other men felt betrayed by this unplanned pregnancy, it's true. But he doesn't love you less because of that. He's been able to change a lot of things of his life, to fit in yours. You have built a wonderful relationship together, a delight for any psychiatrist to analyze. Well, this is just one more step in a relationship like yours, in a marriage. So what bothers Christian, isn't the baby, he has nothing against him; his problem is with himself, with the chance of becoming a father, with the fear he feels, the fear of repeating his mother's mistakes. This is emphasized by his urgent need to control everything. Deep down, he loves this baby, just because it's one more part of you, and you are his everything."

Maybe Flynn is right, but I'll have to talk to Christian about it anyway… and if he wants to interrupt the pregnancy, I'll leave for Georgia with my mom, even if that kills us both. An innocent life can't pay the blame of an insecure father. I take a deep breath and feel a sharp pain in my heart.

"I think I'll have to talk with him about this, John. Maybe he feels I'm pressuring him"

"I don't think so Ana, but yes, you must talk with him. The foundation of a good marriage it's communication. Do you have any other question dear?"

"No John, I think I'm fine and calm"

"Ana, don't forget that I'll always be here, for anything you may need"

"Except those times when you won't answer your phone, not even to the president of the United States" I wink at him and he smiles.

"See you soon Ana"

"Good bye John."

-oOo-

I'm back at Escala and feeling a little tense. Between one meeting and another at the Publishing the day has gone flying. Maybe I should listen to Christian and slow down a little, but I still feel that I need to prove that I'm good enough and that I don't have this position (and the company) because I'm the wife of the most sexy millionaire in the world.

Christian isn't home yet, so I go to our room and change into sweats and a tight tshirt. I feel so much better in these clothes, especially at this time, when I know that a hard battle is coming… I just hope he won't ask me something that I'm not willing to do.

I'm sitting on the floor, with my back on the bed. I'm stroking the soft carpet with my bare feet when Christian comes into the room. He seems worried.

"Why weren't you answering your phone?"

"I left it in my purse on the living room and I didn't hear it." My voice sounds so sad, I just know it.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes, but go get comfortable, I need to talk to you". Just those words make my man get tense and become careful. We've learn so much about each other. He changes into sweats, just like me, with a shirt that makes his muscles stand out in a delicious way. I watch him spellbound, I know he notices and there's a playful smile in his eyes… If he wasn't so worried about what I'm going to tell him, he would be joking around. He comes to sit next to me. He doesn't touch me, but he offers me his hand, and I take it. His palm is warm and my hand is cold as ice.

"Here we are. What do you want to talk about baby, everything alright today?"

"Yes… no. It's just that I need to ask you something. I was with Flynn today…"

"I know" he interrupts but I look at him reproachful. He stays quiet…

"Flynn told me something that gave me a lot to think. He asked me why you didn't tell me to get an abortion" –once I said that word his whole body tenses- "and the truth is that I didn't have an answer. So I thought that maybe, you didn't ask me because you feel I'm pressuring you, but the thing is we never talk about it and…"

"Please Anastasia. Stop" –his tone is harsh and the fear has become something I can't describe- "that's not a possibility and that's final." He stand's and goes to the bathroom. This was not what I was expecting. Of course I feel relieved that he rejected the idea, but not like this. I stand and go after him. I find him standing in front of the sink. His face is wet and he's looking at his reflection in the mirror, with his hands grasping the edge. He looks disturb."

"Hey, I didn't mean to…" I don't know how to keep going. I reach to him and hug him from behind. I feel his body getting uncomfortable so I let go of him. "Look at me Christian". He obeys… there's my little lost boy again. Suddenly he grabs me by my waist and sits me on the edge of the sink; spread my legs and settles between them, hugging me and smelling my hair."

"Oh baby, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry… I would never want you to do something like that, I'm sorry I made you think that I didn't want this baby. Yes, it's unexpected, unplanned, but it's yours, it's a part of you. When I saw you in that hospital bed, unconscious, I knew that I couldn't live without you. I was so worried about you, about our son. It's not that I don't love him; it's just that I'm afraid of not being good enough for him… for you. Please don't ever think about having an abortion, not because of me." His voice it's just a whisper, a plea. I am moved and his plea disarms me.

I take a deep breath and with barely a string of voice I answer him…

"No, don't worry, blip and I will stay with you… forever."

His lips touch mine and he deepens the kiss, it's needed, and that it's what we do best, love each other.

**THE END**

**AN: Thank you so much for following this story with me. This was my first trying in FF and I hope you liked it. **

**Thank you for your patience because I know that at the end it was a little out of schedule because of mine and my beta ( .emily) complications.**

**We are already thinking about new stories, all in the Fifty Shades Universe, so add us to your Author's Alert, so you can get our news.**


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